O@tM: Death on the Nile

Oh my. Oh dear me. 😐

Belgian sleuth Hercule Poirot’s vacation aboard a glamorous river steamer turns into a terrifying search for a murderer when a picture-perfect couple’s idyllic honeymoon is tragically cut short. Set against an epic landscape of sweeping Egyptian desert vistas and the majestic Giza pyramids, this tale of unbridled passion and incapacitating jealousy features a cosmopolitan group of impeccably dressed travelers, and enough wicked twists and turns to leave audiences guessing until the final, shocking denouement. β€”jesusblack-91294
A hilarious man.

I don’t quite understand the hullabaloo about Kenneth Branagh. Sorry, as an actor he’s too hammy, too stagey for my taste. Of course can his role as Hercule Poirot, the world’s bestest detective and also the most hilarious man, be interpreted the way Branagh portraits him. Although I don’t think Agatha Christie had a tragic cartoon figure in mind when she invented this character.

Paaardayyy!

And as a director Branagh is overrated as well. He wasted a perfectly good ensemble cast by having them all play shallow upper class pre-WW2 brits, cartoon figures like his famous detective. The problems do already start right in the beginning with a completely useless, and much too long, scene about WW1 trench warfare in Flanders. The boring reason: We learn why Poirot wears his ridiculous moustache. I coulda lived without that tidbit of info.

DISCO!

Okay, the plot: Well, yeah, contrary to the first movie of this new franchise, I had forgotten who actually dun it, so I was looking forward to this classical whodunnit detective story. Only to get disappointed by the various weak points of the screenplay and its execution. I’ve never watched the 1978 Death on the Nile movie but I guess that one was much way betterer!

Hi society.

The movie’s duration of 2:07 hours is half an hour too long to tell the story. The first murder happens only 1 hour into the film, after too long and too boring introductions of the usual suspects. And it felt more like 3 hours. I didn’t watch the original movie but I guess that one was more interesting, better acted and directed and much more entertaining to watch. Oh, and the setting: A riverboat on the nile is much too big for the small ensemble of murder suspects. Too much room for everybody to hide and to conceal their misdeeds, and the claustrophobic environment of a train waggon was totally missing in this one.

BBF: Best Bitches Forever?

The good stuff can be counted on the fingers of one hand: Gal Gadot looked real shitty in this flick but for the first time ever she didn’t have acting problems. Granted, her shallow character and the undemanding director didn’t ask much of her but she was able to act on the same level as all the others.

Fun on the Nile!

CONCLUSION: After the pretty bad Orient Express I expected better from Branagh, hoped he’d learned from past mistakes. But no, Death on the Nile was even worserer. Not only wasn’t it as star-studded as its predecessor, it was worse in every aspect.

Death on the Nile. 😦

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