O@tM: Strange World + Glass Onion

Two very bad flicks … but I’ll try to keep these reviews short like they were good movies. Let’s see:

The legendary Clades are a family of explorers whose differences threaten to topple their latest and most crucial mission.

… not only their mission but the whole fuxn movie!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

But let me explain. All I knew about this latest Disney suicide flick was that neither critics nor audiences liked it. Not the least little bit. But Orca, likes to draw outside of the line and thought like “Critics, what do they know about movies? And audiences? Little boys aged 3 to 12? Fuk em all!”

Now I must admit they were all right. This latest adventure anime is pure and utter bullsheet! Irredeemable crapola. An adventure movie where the cast spends most of the time engaging in circlejerk discusssions about father/son relations and not talking about the mission has missed its target.

If the discussions were at least intelligent and interesting … but no. The same vitriolic, passive aggressive shit repeated over and over again. After the umpteenth campfire talk they lost me.

And then the main char had to be gay. Because of course. It’s 2022 n all, so they had to make him gay. Even if the relationship was treated in 3 or 4 sentences and had nothing – NUFFINK at all! – to do with the story. So it was just the typical box to tick. And it didn’t even help Strange World the least little bit.

Wanna know why, Disney? I tell ya: Coz this is an adventure flick! I could be gay af (or as my SL avi), when I buy a ticket for an adventure movie I expect to see adventure. Indiana Jones. Name ring a bell? Know why the first 2 Indy movies were so successful? Because they cared about the riddles, the quest, the action. And only a little bit about sexing with female side characters. Still those side characters were treated with much more care than Ethan Clade’s love interest Diazo.

You can have an all-star voice cast (Jake Gyllenhaal, Dennis Quaid, Lucy Liu, Alan Tudyk, Gabrielle Union) and still make a shitty movie.

CONCLUSION: “The first Disney animated film to receive a “B” grade on CinemaScore from audiences, the lowest for any animated Disney feature.” Need I say more?

Five long-time friends are invited to the Greek island home of billionaire Miles Bron. All five know Bron from way back and owe their current wealth, fame and careers to him. The main event is a murder weekend game with Bron to be the victim. In reality, they all have reasons to kill him. Also invited is Benoit Blanc, the world’s greatest detective. โ€”grantss

Oh, ugh. Why o why do people – including professional critics – still think Rian Johnson is a good writer/director. We all remember Star Wars VIII, and what a rotten, careless character that guy is.

The film starts off well enough, when the cast meets at the dock and we all notice they aren’t real characters but cartoon figures. Ok, a campy comedy awaits, rather than a real crime show. So I enjoyed the first 10 – 15 minutes exactly for that reason.

But it was all downhill from then on. Without wanting to spoil anything I can assure you this ain’t a very clever script. Pretty much like in the first Knives Out movie there are just not enough surprises in Glass Onion, and even less a compelling storyline.

The only thing that – didn’t save Glass Onion – but made it a tiny bit better than its predecessor was the simple fact that it didn’t take itself seriously. So I guess it’s ok, maybe even expected, that I don’t take it serious either. And here again, we have a mostly wasted all-star cast, none of them shining in this undemanding flick. Only Janelle Monรกe is peeking out a bit from the rest. Ok, she was on double duty and had the most difficult role. So there.

CONCLUSION: Comedy doesn’t mean it must be silly, unfunny slapstick, Mr. Johnson!

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