Yesterday my mother passed away, peacefully in her sleep, I assume. Drugged up the wazoo and quiet for the first time in her 100 years on this planet. I hope she didn’t cause a scene in her last few minutes, accusing the doctor and nurses of being too expensive and uncaring. 😦
Excuse me please for not being too sad or heartbroken, as I’m rather looking forward to the rest of my life without her driving havoc with my mind. You assume correctly, my mum was a regular beach and has lost more friends in her life than most of us will ever make. She kinda lost me as well, since hubby and me broke up with my parents, like 10 years or more ago.
I dunno if you’ve ever heard the term emotional vampire? That’s what both of my parents were, they sucked all the chi out of everybody around them. The damage, particularly in their offspring is long-lasting. Even my sister, who was always the good one, the not rebelious, the striving one, broke up with her a couple of weeks before her own death and banned our mum from the palliative station.
I gotta get used to this new life as a full orphan.
As stupid as it sounds coming from a 55 year old woman who hasn’t even seen her mother for at least the last 5 or 6 years; she’s always occupied a huge chunk of my mind with her permanent nagging and niggling, always complaining about me … yes, no, I know. She wasn’t with us physically but her damaging influence could still be felt on the other side of the fukn planet. My hubby, a guy who is an emotional brick became a moody wreck everytime when we fixed to fly to Germany. The aspect that he had to meet his in-laws turned him into a foul-mooded ahole himself. Us both to be fair. Until we broke up with them. It helped a big deal. But I couldn’t get the beach out of my head. Total neurosis. 😦
But look mum, look, your lazy hippie daughter owns a house and lives in an exotic country, free of debts. Am I really such a loser? Did you ever consider that I’m perfectly capable of living my own life, warts n all? No eh? Coz how could I, doing everything wrong and never a thing right. My hairs, my clothes, my friends. And what is with those motorcycles and crappy cars? And the tattoos! How could I?
I just did, bitch!
Anyhoo, it’s all so new now, although nothing has really changed. Not physically, not for us. I’m feeling free now? Emotionally balanced, a brick taken off my chest? Even happy for the first time in my life? Only time will tell.
I need to meditate on that …