O@TPB: Dune (1984) Alternative Edition Redux

In the distant year of 10191, all the planets of the known Universe are under the control of Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV and the most important commodity in the Universe is a substance called the spice “MELANGE” which is said to have the power of extending life, expanding the consciousness and even to “fold space” ; being able to travel to any distance without physically moving. This spice “MELANGE” is said to only be produced in the desert planet of Arrakis, where the FREMEN people have the prophecy of a man who will lead them to true freedom. This “desert planet”of Arrakis is also known as DUNE. A secret report of the space “GUILD” talks about some circumstances and plans that could jeopardize the production of “SPICE” with four planets involved: ARRAKIS, CALADAN, GIEDI PRIME and KAITAIN, a world at least visually very alike to Earth and house of the Emperor of the known Universe. The “GUILD” sends a third stage navigator to KAITAIN to ask details from the Emperor and to demand him the killing of young Paul Atreides, son of the Duke Leto Atreides of CALADAN. โ€”David del Real —@DavidRealActor—-

In preparation for the upcoming Denis Villeneuve rendition of the old Dune story I decided to watch David Lynch’s 1984 original once again in order to get up to speed with the story. Never read the novel(s) and refused to watch the TV series, so Lynch’s pretty bad movie was, and still is, the only source I know.

But I’ve decided not to watch Lynch’s cinema version but a very well done fan edit by hobby film historian Spice Diver. That guy put a lot of labour into it, salvaged a lot of deleted scenes and brought out a 3-hours long version. I guess David Lynch would be proud of the result, since this is now more watchable than the original trainwreck.

Which doesn’t mean much. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ The Dune of 1984 as such a warbled and confused mess, not even the most carefull redux could save it from the scrapheap, the only place where it truly belongs.

I don’t know if I ever told you what I think about David Lynch as a director. Well, I think he’s a talentless hack. So. There. I said it. Sue me. Without wanting to talk bad about Spice Diver’s restorational work, sorry to say, he tried to polish a turd. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

It’s not even the way Lynch told Dune’s story, it’s the way he directed the movie. For example:

The visual effects looked cheap, even for 1984. Remember, we had already the complete first Star Wars trilogy out at that time. And compared to Star Wars … ugh, well, there is no comparison.

Ok, forget the cinematic excellence, let’s suffer the hammy acting by most of the cast. Fuk, they reenacted some Shakespeare drama or what? They stood there and delivered their lines like planks of wood. The only actor who appeared kinda natural was (Sir) Patrick Stewart (Star Trek’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard), a trained stage actor and no stranger to Shakespeare.

Superduper VFX. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Camera and lighting were bad as well. No weird angles or any visionary shots as they are quite needed in such a work of epic fiction. And the lighting was much too light when a dark broody mood was needed. Lynch blocked the scenes and arranged his actors like they were lined up on the ramp of a theatre stage. A high school theatre.

And don’t get me started about the production value. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Jeebuzmariaandjoseph, what was the budget for this shit? 21.50 woolongs plus change? Yeah, not even the most loving re-edit could save this trainwreck from its well-deserved fiery grave.

Oh, Denis Villeneuve, you are Arrakis’ last hope! Please, we beg you, don’t fuk this up! Let’s looksy the trailer:

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