O@tM: Nobody + Prisoners of the Ghostland

Two movies in one brief review. How come? Honestly, they’re both not that great. I know, I know many people are happy that movies are showing in cinemas again and therefore they must be something special … or sumfink? Bullshit. But let’s get into medias res, shall we?

Emmy winner Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul, The Post, Nebraska) stars as Hutch Mansell, an underestimated and overlooked dad and husband, taking life’s indignities on the chin and never pushing back. A nobody. When two thieves break into his suburban home one night, Hutch declines to defend himself or his family, hoping to prevent serious violence. His teenage son, Blake (Gage Munroe, The Shack), is disappointed in him and his wife, Becca (Connie Nielsen, Wonder Woman), seems to pull only further away. The aftermath of the incident strikes a match to Hutch’s long-simmering rage, triggering dormant instincts and propelling him on a brutal path that will surface dark secrets and lethal skills. In a barrage of fists, gunfire and squealing tires, Hutch must save his family from a dangerous adversary (famed Russian actor Aleksey Serebryakov, Amazon’s McMafia)-and ensure that he will never be underestimated as a nobody again. โ€”Universal Pictures
Yes, that is Doc Emmett Brown, back from the future

This movie starts kinda believably … kinda. And then becomes more and more strange as Bob Odenkirk goes on a revenge trip and we find out he’s an ex-CIA assassin. So the film struggles with a weak screenplay and unbelievable characters.

Yes, Connie Nielsen is way out of Odenkirk’s league.

Odenkirk is great as ever, rest of the cast as well but the actions scenes are outstanding! And let’s face it, this is what this flick is all about. Dirty, hands-on, bloody shootouts and fistycuffs! None of the usual stylish, edited to death and sanitized Marvel crap that goes as action these days.

Some quiet seconds …

CONCLUSION: I had some escapist fun. That’s not the best a movie can do for me but still better than 98.43% of what else is on show these days.

… before the action goes on!

Set in the treacherous frontier city of Samurai Town where a ruthless bank robber is sprung from jail by wealthy warlord The Governor, whose adopted granddaughter Bernice has gone missing. The Governor offers the prisoner his freedom in exchange for retrieving the runaway. Strapped into a leather suit that will self-destruct within three days, the bandit sets off on a journey to find the young woman and his own path to redemption.
This is the most angry bank robbery ever!

Okay, we all know Nick Cage’s story, owes 23 gadzillion woolongs to the IRS and so needs to work for a payday. So we often see him acting silly on screen and in movies that are not really top notch. But with this stinker he really grabbed deep into the toilet bowl. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Looks like GitS wannabe, right?

This whole film doesn’t make an iota of sense! None, nothing. Which usually isn’t a problem whe a movie plays in an apocalyptic fantasyland. But while we gave Mad Max: Fury Road the benefit of a doubt, and the little story it told, and the actions of the characters, made some sense in itself, Prisoners can’t even deliver that. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

My girl Sofia also in arrears with the taxman?

This film is just random! 99.99% of the cast is Japanese, the hack director is Japanese as well (I guess), but the 4 leading roles are played by whities. Why? Nobody knows. That everybody plays like they just woke up from a brain amputation seems not to care in the least. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ At least the production crew didn’t seem to be bothered with rational human thought processes or a screenplay that follows any recognisable path. :/ And everyone in the cast and extras looks like bad cosplayers. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Some nice camera work. But what for?

When Nick Cave’s left bollock explodes he shouts Ow! Ow! Ow! … and10 minutes later he’s action man again. That’s not how it works, ffs! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Everyone of y’all married to a manly man knows better, right? Anyway, the action, ok, better than Marvel again but not by much and everything looks kinda cheaply made, amateurish. And anyway, Cave ain’t a nice man, which is always bad for the main protagonist, innit? He can be a gangster but then he better be a lovable scoundrel of the Han Solo type. But no, in this nonsense flick Cave is only a stinking bully.

I know Cage can be quite the charmer. Obviously they didn’t pay him enough for that.

Remember Into the Badlands? Shitty cheapo TV series, similar bullshit world building … still production design and fight choreography looked ten times better than Prisoners’. And the character’s actions made sense in the story and the environment they acted in. Nothing of that in PotG, everything looks like an explosion in the clown factory.

Sofia and Nick: Tax evaders?

And what’s up with all the Japanese costumes and overabundance of multiculti symbols? Was never explained, wasn’t needed. All just eye-candy, all just make-belief. ๐Ÿ˜

The cast of last year’s school play.

CONCLUSION: Bulllshit premise, bullshit screenplay, bullshit production, bullshit acting, bullshit director. And worst of all, I was bored outta my skull. To make it short: PotG is a bullshit flick!

Why we fightin’? Coz we get payed!

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