O@tVariousNotSoGoodButOKishMovies

Yaha, babies! Another roundhouse kick about flicks there ain’t much to talk about. Let’s start:

In her turbulent life as a professional assassin, Scarlet was cruelly forced to abandon her daughter Sam and go on the run. Years later, despite the estrangement, Sam has also grown up into a cold blooded hitwoman. After a high-stake mission spins out of control, putting an innocent 8-year-old girl in the middle of the gang war she has unleashed, Sam has no choice but to go rogue. This ultimately leads her back to her mother and her former hitwomen sidekicks, who all join forces in an avenging war against those who took everything from them.

Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Basset, Michelle Yeoh, Carla Gugino, Freya Allen, Paul Giamatti. What a cast! And everybody’s doing their best and we can see they had fun.

Funny flick with some unnecesary weak points. Can’t lady assassins have some fun doing their jobs like everybody else without having to transport a message of gender equality and wokeness and shit and fuck? Forgetable story but brilliantly set in scene action scenes and set pieces. Gunpowder Milkshake looks expensive and delivers the eyecandy.

To me it appeared like a female John Wick. Very creative ways to shot people and very high bodycount. A pure joy to watch, if you’re so inclined. As I was on that day. I could’ve enjoyed it more without trying to save a little girl and all the women empowerment shit. These are all famously merciless killers we’re watching here. It’s not in their nature to talk like SJWs and 3rd gen feminists.

And why do all male characters have to be sooo fukn stooopit??? So the girls have a chance? That what the screenwriters wanted to express?

Fuk dat. And fuk you!

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An FBI agent and Florida State officer team up to investigate a string of unsolved murder cases.

Fox and Willis didn’t even share a milkshake

Emile Hirsch, Megan Fox, Bruce Willis star in this underwhelming murder thriller … and exactly as listed, according to their on-screen time and importance of the role. This movie wouldn’t be any worse without Willis’s star power. A mediocre flick like Switchgrass would’ve been perfect for actors of Hirsch’s and Fox’s calibre. Willis’ appearance in the story seems like an afterthought and his scenes were obviously filmed in a single day.

That is Sylvester Stallone’s daughter!

If I were Emile Hirsch I’d be pissed off at the marketing dpt. I mean, he’s the leading man and gave a great deliverance with what he had. More so than Megan Fox. And they don’t even show him in the fuxn poster???

Emile Hirsch is a good cop

The screenplay was really bad. So many scenes they could’ve turned into great cรญnema … but missed it every time. I was shouting at the camera man and the director while watching this below average waste of a well-intended story. But we all know that the highway to hell is plastered with good intentions, isn’t it? I couldn’t gel with any of the characters. Fox and Hirsch had rather complex story arcs but it was never transported to us. This production was doomed from the first second on.

Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly are dating in RL

And what about the colour palette? Does the lighting really need to look like seasick just to show that we’re dealing with a mentally disturbed serial killer. And why has every character in the Florida swamps to be so seedy and inherently evil? This screenplay wasn’t the least bit adequate to tell the rather simple police procedure story.

The lighting! Look at Megan’s skin! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

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The world’s most lethal odd couple – bodyguard Michael Bryce and hitman Darius Kincaid – are back on another life-threatening mission. Still unlicensed and under scrutiny, Bryce is forced into action by Darius’s even more volatile wife, the infamous international con artist Sonia Kincaid. As Bryce is driven over the edge by his two most dangerous protectees, the trio get in over their heads in a global plot and soon find that they are all that stand between Europe and a vengeful and powerful madman. Joining in the fun and deadly mayhem is Morgan Freeman as – well, you’ll have to see.

Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Gary Oldman, and as surprise: Morgan Freeman. Great cast in a fun project.

You know Orca is usually a dilligent movie reviewer and tries to always watch the predecessor to any movie she’s about to review. Only on the rarest of occasions I allow myself to deviate from that rule. For example Star Wars: I watched those movies in 4-5-6-1-2-3-7-8-9 order, just like everybody. Not my fault if Lucasfilm can’t even produce films in natural succession.

With The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard I had a similar problem. I know the prequel movie The Hitman’s Bodyguard exists but weirdly I wasn’t able to locate it anywhere on the dark side of the interwebz and the high seas of international piracy.

Pirate Bay shows zero results. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

So I watched the second movie, which is not a problem to get into. Neither the characters nor their stories are hard to grasp. We have the chars and their relationships quickly figured out.

So nothing stands in the way of a fluffy escape from reality movie experience. And on what a nice and entertaining ride our leading threesome took us.

Reynolds as his usual overtalkative pita, Sam Jackson as cooler than cool dude who slowly loses his cool and Hayek as the sexy bride who slowly loses her sexy. Time ticks for everybody, sorry. If you wanna stop it make an avatar in Second Life, there time stands still. Orca is a punky 21 y/o ever since her first day in game, 18th January 2007. ๐Ÿ™‚

The story? Silly and unrealistic and … it doesn’t matter. The plot is just a canvas on which the filmmakers painted a nicely paced and sometimes witty action spectacle. Nothing special but The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard isn’t the worst way to waste 1.5 hours. No regrets having watched this movie.

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I know there must be more movies I watched but haven’t reviewed yet. No worries, my OCD will force me to write about those as well. If only I could remember …

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