O@tNetflix: Army of the Dead

Following a zombie outbreak in Las Vegas, a group of mercenaries take the ultimate gamble, venturing into the quarantine zone to pull off the greatest heist ever attempted.

They don’t know it yet but they are an army of the dead

Sorry, it took me so long to come up with this review. I was so flabbergasted by what we’ve seen, I was kinda paralysed and could only muster enuff energy this very early morning to hopefully get thru the writeup. For what we’ve seen was again a perfect example of how highly paid professionals can fuk up a simple movie project. Welcome to Hollywood in the early 21st century. It’s bad.

A dead zombie. Like real dead

Let’s see what we got here: A zombie outbreak with various zombs from the usual stupid af slowpokes Romero style, via a variety that gets reanimated every morning up to a fast af, kinda well-organised army and a corrupt zombie queen. Add to that a heist, ordered by a kingpin who secretly plans to kill all the cartoon character gang members once they’ve fulfilled their jobs … and in the background the clock is ticking for a nuclear extinction of our location, Las Vegas.

Bautista with stubborn daughter

Oh, and of course numerous little sideplots ranging from Bautista’s estranged daughter joining the expedition and being useless to … oh! 😮 Apropos useless, let’s talk about this movie’s greatest weakness: Director Zack Snyder. After torturing us with the 4-hour snorefest Justice League, he now gives us another too-long dud of a wannabe zombie slasher.

Bautista! Need I say more?

So if you’re asking, with all the cool ingredients – and Bautista and Snyder – what could’ve possibly gone wrong?, the answer is A lot! A whole fukn truckload of stuff could’ve gone wrong! And, boy, wrong it did go! For hubby and me, and for you possibly, too, it’s a friggin wonder how they could make such a tasteless, thin soup from all the fantastic ingredients. But, well, Snyder managed! Dunno if he tried to magick some deeper meaning or even a message into the film, he failed miserably anyway. Young daughter with daddy issues, ok, we take her with us, buuuuut … wasting many precious minutes discussing with her brute-like dad about those issues takes all the little fun out of a film that already failed to give us any arc, any suspense, failed to convey us of any sense of urgency. We all should sit right at the edge of our seats, munching on our fingernails. But no! Not with Snyder. He asks us repeatedly to take our feet off the accelerator pedal. 😦

Vanderohe (Omari Hardwick) and the German safe-buster’s story arc was one of the very few good things in this flick

A completely failed movie! Even towards the end, when things become hectic, he let’s his characters do some stupid, illogical stuff that slows everything down even more. The fact that this was planned as the first movie of a new franchise makes it even worse. Hubby and me, we can live with the loss and think we had quite enough zombie slashers lately. In theatres, on TV and via streaming services. Zombies here, zombies there, zombies everywhere. Yawn. 😐

The safe full of cash wasn’t the true objective of this heist? Who cares?

So, was everything just bad? No, of course not! Let’s not forget we’re watching a movie by Zack Snyder! Snyder the Great. So cinematography, mood, lighting and singular acting performances are good/great. Dave Bautista is allowed to show some acting skills and Matthias Schweighöfer shows his German quirk kinda amusingly. Rest of the ensemble are doing their best but it’s not enough to save a movie that was ruined by it’s totally misdirected direction. No idea how a hardened professional like Snyder is capable to misjudge the audience’s expectations so badly.

Dave Bautista flexes not only his physical muscles

In the end all of the zombs and crew are dead. And we don’t give a fuk about them. Oh wait, useless daughter survived … and we couldn’t give less fux about her neither.

German Grimme Award winner Schweighöfer was wasted as a goofy sidekick

CONCLUSION 1: Don’t trust in Snyder quality cinema!

CONCLUSION 2: Army of the dead movie franchises. 😐

Stuckmann obviously watched a different movie. Comparing it to John Carpenter’s much better films is heresy! AotD wasn’t even on par with Carpenter’s wurst, Ghosts of Mars.

Ok, let’s lighten the mood a little:

11 comments

    • Not necessarily. It’s still a Zack Snyder movie. Which means it’s very stylish and nicely filmed and even funny sometimes but suffers from Snyder’s very slow storytelling and focussing on the wrong aspects of a story. He’s the 180° reversed version of George Lucas.
      Hubby and me made long faces for most of the time. 😦

      Also it costs nothing to view this flick, as long as you secure yourself with a VPN:

      https://yts.mx/movies/army-of-the-dead-2021

      Like

        • Oh, right! Yes, I had a feeling I was missing on something. Hubby and me are teatotallers now, and we don’t even drink tea that much. No wonder this flick failed on us but met a much nicer welcome in the permanently drugged up states. Tak for reminding me, hun.

          Ok, gotta reverse my judgement of AotD: Cool flick for the right Hi. 😉

          What kinda alcohol are you recommending for the consumation of this cineastic tour de force, darling? As a scandi obviously Vodka. Or wot? Wotz your sekrit?

          Like

            • Awwww… NO!

              Putting Orca in the middle between two wine routes was a waste of resources. Sorry for all the wine lovers who aren’t here but I hate the taste of wine and other alcoholic beverages. I couldn’t write a basic column about what winery makes the bestest juice if you drown me in that shit.

              I mean some of the vineyards feature nice restaurants as well but I’m not what one would describe as a gourmet either. Serve me a hamburger and I’m a happy basic bish.

              Like

        • I watched this movie with a bottle of wine, so it was tolerable. I was just laughing at all the absurdities, which Screen Rant got so spot-on in the video above. Then I ended up yelling at the screen near the end when they got into the long emotional conversations with 20 minutes left before the big boom. I was sad that the helicopter gal didn’t make it out alive though 😦

          Liked by 1 person

          • Oh yes, heli girl. They totally forgot about her, didn’t they? All the effort to save her and put her on the chopper, and then from one scene to the next she’s nowhere to be found. 😮 The sole objective of the daughter’s sub-plot. Had she fallen off we’d noticed it, so she was just written out of the script. 😦

            90 million dollars or so, a fabled wunder-director and … craptastic crap. Snyder’s handiwork is sloppy, his pacing uneven, his storytelling skills almost non-existent. Looks like an autist made this movie. 😦 No wonder this epos ended up on Netflix, where movies go to die.

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