O@tM: Zack Snyder’s Justice League

Pretentious, whiney, pathetic, bombastic, superficial, intellectually empty

Determined to ensure Superman’s ultimate sacrifice was not in vain, Bruce Wayne aligns forces with Diana Prince with plans to recruit a team of metahumans to protect the world from an approaching threat of catastrophic proportions. The task proves more difficult than Bruce imagined, as each of the recruits must face the demons of their own pasts to transcend that which has held them back, allowing them to come together, finally forming an unprecedented league of heroes. Now united, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and The Flash may be too late to save the planet from Steppenwolf, DeSaad and Darkseid and their dreadful intentions.

Some not very nice teenie, fat-man and a fashion model gonna save the world

Okeeee … I didn’t watch the “original” version of Justice League, so I don’t have a comparison. I only know Zack Snyder dropped out for personal reasons and the usually very talented Joss Whedon took over and ultimately fuked it all up. After years of fan intervention and pleas and beggings, now we can finally see the Justice League as Zack Snyder had it in mind. And it’s …

Darkseid is the boss level baddie

… all the attributes I mentioned above. Oh and also boring af. Maybe not if you’re a sensually deprived teenie and susceptible to all the kitsch and grand stands and poses and gravely spoken words. But for normal people (not talking about normies here, there is a difference) with certain expectations of good movies, the fabled Snyder Cut is pretentious shit.

What was up with the baddies in this? The characters of Steppenwolf and his boss Darkseid could have easily been coagulated into one figure. Coz the internal power structure and hierarchy between the baddies isn’t of any importance for the plot. In IMDb I couldn’t find anything about any actor or voice actor of Darkseid and Ciarán Hinds was wasted as Steppenwolf’s voice.

SupiDupi Man gets resuscitated

Rarely ever have I seen such a great and talented cast wasted on such little good material. What, Willem Dafoe was in this? 😮 Must’ve escaped the little attention I could spare for this kiddy play. And did you notice Batman’s weight problems? Only in the last scene at the very end we suddenly see a fit and good-looking Ben Affleck again. Probably one of the many reshots or sumfink.

Talking about Fatman, he mostly stands around in the background, brooding and doing little else. Come on now, for the motor, the heart and soul of our little superpeople clicque I’ve expected more. Sometimes I suspected Ben Affleck was not really into this and secretly wanted to be somewhere else. As did I. 😉

Fashion model climbs her metaphysical rope

Can you imagine it took me 4 approaches to watch this 4-hours-megamonster epos? Coz, honestly, more than 1 hour at a time of this clown-show I couldn’t bare. You may remember how utterly unimpressed we were with Batman v Superman so warming it all up again for this flick was a turn-off for me. Get this They resurrect Supi but he’s not nice and must be made nice again by his Lois Lane, a rather fugly Amy Adams and his mother, Diane Lane. Another side-arc to an uninteresting story they could have spared us. So two talented actresses wasted on hollow shit. 😦

Boy wonder with daddy issues

So, who else apart from our billionaire crime fighter and an always welcome WonderGirl Gal Gadot was fighting on the good side? Ray Fisher as Cyborg, a character I’ve never heard of before and have no need to ever hear from again. And The Flash Ezra Miller, a figure I’ve indeed have heard of before. Mostly coz Sheldon Cooper loves to cozplay him in some episodes of the Big Bang Theory. 🙂 Oh, and let’s not forget the fish boy Jason Momoa. Little to say, little to do but acting cool.

And again much better actors were wasted as sidekicks of the good guys, for example Jeremy Irons as Bruce Wayne’s butler Alfred and J.K. Simmons as Commissioner Gordon. Wasted and wasted, the same as the man everybody loves to hate, Jesse Eisenberg as Supi’s nemesis Lex Luthor.

I don’t even wanna know how many multimegamillions of Woolongs were sacrificed for this personal vanity project. And all that just to make the small but loud fanbase of Zack Snyder and his super hero movies happy: 😐

SushiMan, IsraeliArmyGirl and DaddyBoy are super heroes!

CONCLUSION:

Don’t get me wrong, please. I’m not too aloof for super hero movies and I have nothing against Snyder and Whedon as directors; they are probably both top of their trade. But I guess Snyder heavily miscalculated his source marterial and had a much too dark and bombastic vision of what is basically a popcorn flick. And from what I hear, Whedon, despite many many reshoots didn’t make it better after Snyder was out.

I guess we had a very meddling, intervening studio, which is never good, and not a single vision of the end product. And I refuse to believe that Zack Snyder had a sleeper like this 4 hour mega snorefest in mind when he first set out to film the Justice League. Now in the end he was sooo in love with all the old material and refused to throw anyting away, trying to put some philosphical shit and character development on top, in order to polish the turd. As everyone with an ounce of intelligence knows you can polish a turd until it shines and sparkles. But underneath the shiny surface it still is and will always be nothing but a turd. 😦

Oh, and what’s up with the weird 4×3 aspect ratio? That trick didn’t add anything worthwile to the movie but changed the big cinematographic scale into a claustrophobic experience. It’s fukn 2021, we don’t need stuff like that anymore. 😐

2 comments

  1. I’m not too aloof for super hero movies either. I just hate them. I actually saw the Iron Man movie in 2008 but I will never never ever watch another superhero as long as I live! So there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good decision, Bex. Although Iron Man wasn’t a bad flick and had quite the interesting character development as an origin story. Ruthless merchant of death becomes a do-gooder. Cool.

      Oh, and the first Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie, the one with Toby McGuire, was cute. Perfect Popcorn material, even with a little love story at its heart and lots of mild humour.

      And the last Wolverine flick with Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart was very cool. Surprisingly low scale and dark it showed two older gentlemen not coming to terms with their lives. Something for when you wanna get into a bad mood. 🙂

      But I must add, being slightly out of my teens, I mostly watch movies like this so I can write/rant about them in the blog. 😐

      Like

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