O@tM: Shadow in the Cloud + Wonder Woman 1984

Oh my, too many movies we/I watched lately but no inspiration to review them. That’s partly to blame the pretty uninspiring movies for and to a much bigger part my own lazyness. 😦 But now I’ve decided I got nothing to do so I’m gonna start reviewing them all. Can’t wait forever, else the watched heap will just grow out of proportions and I’ll forget what the films were all about and if they were any good.

So I’ll start today with some movies we just saw recently, so I’ll go from nownow back to the past of a couple weeks/months ago. And the movie we saw last was …

On a stormy night during World War II, a female pilot with top secret cargo talks her way on board a bomber plane about to take-off. The crass all-male crew reluctantly agrees, but their suspicions about her identity and the mysterious cargo quickly grow. Just then a shadow appears in the clouds – was it the incoming Japanese fleet? Or caused by some other sinister stowaway?

This is a fairly well-made but small scale war/horror/emancipatory B-movie from New Zealand. 95% of the runtime we spend with Chloë Grace Moretz in the sperry turret underneath the belly of a B-17s fuselage, listening to macho talk of the all-male bomber crew. And it’s all bullshit. I believe in WW2 they had more discipline than uttering innuendos over the crew radio.

Anyway, we hardly get to see any crew members, apart from a very short introduction when Miss Moretz gets on board and after they crash/land on some pacific island. The bulk of the time we spend with our heroine in her little claustrophobic sphere. Which means many close-up shots and not much scope. This flick is a pure Moretz vehicle, and boy, is she good. Her very animated face makes sure we get every slightest hunch of what’s going on in her mind. Actually a very good actress that girl. Maybe the up-and-coming female action star for when ScarJo and Milla retire?

The movie itself has all the ingredients for great popcorn movie, but somehow squanders them all away. Bad formulaic screenplay (by the unbearable Max Landis) and incompetent direction make sure this flick will forever stay in the dirty corner of every movie archive.

Let’s see, what else did we watch lately? Oh yes … it doesn’t get better from here on out …

Diana must contend with a work colleague and businessman, whose desire for extreme wealth sends the world down a path of destruction, after an ancient artifact that grants wishes goes missing.

Honestly, I never understood all the praise about Patty Jenkins, who directed the first Wonder Woman film … which we already didn’t like. 😦 But in the first Gal Gadot WW film she just had to direct – in the second one she wrote the fukn screenplay!!! 😮

That shit is so incoherent, senseless and stupid, we didn’t enjoy it for a second. Always when characters only do things because they are needed to drive the plot forward I’m beginning to ask the quality of the writer. When stuff just happens because it needed to happen for the movie’s sake, I’m asking the sanity of everyone involved. In so far is WW84 a crappy shitfilm.

What else is there to discuss? Pacing! Oh my gawd, 2.5 hours of mostly boring timewasting scenes … who was responsible for that edit? SFX? Between 2020ish great and like actually made in 1984.

Acting? Gadot did all her humble little talent allowed her to do, and Jenkins either called on Chris Pine not to steal every scene from Gadot … or, more probably, he truly didn’t wanna be in this flick. He gave exactly that impression. Kristen Wiig … oh my. :/ The only good acting we got to see from Pedro Pascal, who played his scheming petty crook appropriately cartoonish over the top. He was everything he can’t be in The Mandalorian! What he wasn’t tho was a satire of Trump! Dunno where and how some people saw any congruence between those characters.

And that’s already it. Everything I have to say about this shitshow. 😦 Not that there ain’t more to say, ooooh so much more to say and complain about, but this schlock robbed me of my writing spirit and paralyzed me for the last couple weeks. 😦

“Pssssht, don’t tell anyone about this shit.”

Only 2 movies today in my O@tM Quicky. We watched many more, cheap flicks and expensive flicks, old flicks, new flicks … all of them lacking in some or the other aspect. I guess 2020 with its quirks gave the movie industry a good excuse to release a lot of overhyped bad movies in streaming services, that would have bombed as regular theatrical releases. And, as I already mentioned, none of them particularly inspiring a dedicated review.

After the WordPress desaster I’ll try again to write a review about Tenet but am so tired and disgusted by now, I really don’t know if I should. I mean in times when even genius filmmakers like Christoper Nolan only come up with half-baked train wrecks, what is a tiny little film fanatic like Orca supposed to do?

Ok, this way a small – but important – first step back into the movie reviewing business. Please expect more to follow soon.

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