Prison: Day 29

StayHome

Morning fellow marshmellows. 😉

Look what I just found on Bryan MacDonalds’s Twittertwat:

Social distancing in Siberia:

Appropriate distance: 1.5 Putin Hamsters

… and in Florida:

Appropriate distance: 1 Florida Gecko

I, for myself, just made it a rule not to shove my shopping trolley directly into the ass of the person in front of me in the queue. Hey, that’s a real thing here in Africa where personal space is an alien concept.

And this is the statistics for SA:

Whoa! If you think it’s safe to live in the Northern Cape province, with only 16 infected people, think again. I guess 16 is quite the whole population of that area. 😮

And people … I can’t stress this enough: In order to fight the fukn virus all we’ve gotta do, all the experts asking of us, is to stay the fuk at home! Let me add some more exclamation marks: !!!!!!!!!!! Ok, got it? Yes I know, it’s not easy for many of you, the ones with short attention spans, the impulsive, and worst of all: the extroverts! And even worsterer: Extroverts who live alone. 😦

But, guys, really now, think of it: You fukn don’t need other idiots around you! And the greatest favour you can do them right now, is to stay the fuk away from them! Family, frens, colleagues, your sportsball team … leave them the fuk alone! You know, there is this new invention, called the telephone. Fukn Use It! Save lives!

Be a hero! Save humanity, your frens included, by staying at home and doing nothing! Have the feeling you must go out? Ask yourself: Is it necessary? Will the planet be a better place when I leave my me-cage? Do I really urgently need essential food supplies right now? Fresh milk that important to you? Try to survive Orca style: Tap water with a spritz of fruit syrup. Lekka! Cigarettes? Coffee? Tea? Cocaine? Heroin? Aspirin? Most perfect time to beat those harmful addictions is now!

Or is it just your impatience and diffuse irrational need for being close to other people, driving you out there?

Really?

Yes. Really guys. You have today’s most important general tool for everything directly at your disposal: Internet! Don’t believe me? You’re staring right at it, dummybear! 😉 And the best thing about this internet is – of course – Thar She Blows! blog. But there are some other worthwile things for you to explore and consume, maybe even participate in: YouTube, reddit, 9gag, ArchLinux forum … and before you’ve consumed all the stuff, the coronavirus will be over and you can go play outside again. Or go to work. But who in their right mind would ever wanna do that?

disinfectant
… if otoh you follow Trump’s advice the whole thing will be over for you even sooner. 😮

Fraggelz!

Stay healthy, rinse your forepaws, brush your toothies, have a light brekkie, go back to sleep. No need for daily showers neither. You’re inside, nobody will smell your naturally sexy odour. Should you feel duddy, babywipes and hand sanitizer (exclusively for external use) will do, and smell just fine. Them even good for your skin! Makes you more useful for the planet’s wellbeing since you’re helping conserve water. Here’s a totally unironic Thank You. 😉

 

Thanks for saving water!

You’re not needed outside when you can be such a wonderful addition to the human race by just doing your (patriotic if it makes you feel better) duty and stay at home! No need for irrational fomo.

xoxo

Fear of missing out on the latest Harry Potter novel. ;/ On a scale from 0 to 10, how sad are we if they all catch the Covid-19 virus?

 

4 comments

    • Uhm … maybe, just a wild guess, Covid-19 won’t kill us immediately, like a bullet to the brain or a razorblade to the neck, but needs some days of incubation time to develop its full power. 😉
      Also, isn’t Southern California a permament heatwave?

      Like

      • We actually had “cold” weather for a few days… it broke records. And so is this sudden heatwave.

        Did ya see that the cheeto in charge now thinks you can use internal UV radiation and inject disinfectants to cure covid. So long as he goes first….

        Liked by 1 person

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