O@tM: Knives Out

Directed by Rian Johnson … Rian Johnson? The fukn Killer of the Star Wars franchise?

Yeah, talkin’ bout him, alright.

You know litte Orca usually doesn’t hold grudges. At least not for very long. And after demasking Ruin  Johnson as a modern day overhyped pretender I was done … with him and with Star Wars.

But now we get Knives Out, assumingly a super duper clever movie with a super duper clever script, written by Ruin Johnson himself. And little Orcsi jumped at the movie as soon as the occasion arose.

Result see below:

KnivesOutPoster
Did Ruin Johnson redeem himself?

When renowned crime novelist Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer) is found dead at his estate just after his 85th birthday, the inquisitive and debonair Detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) is mysteriously enlisted to investigate. From Harlan’s dysfunctional family to his devoted staff, Blanc sifts through a web of red herrings and self-serving lies to uncover the truth behind Harlan’s untimely death.

IMDb: 8.0

Southern gentleman sleuth: Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig)

Okay, you all know the setting: Richy Rich patriarch ends up dead at family meeting, so everybody’s asking “Whodunnit?” We know we’re in classical Agatha Christie, Hercule Poirot, Sherlock Holmes, Columbo territory … hopefully with an interesting twist and some fun and sneaking in the darkness, maybe one or two jumpscares. And in the end a smug detective sets in scene the big reveal in front of the whole bunch of suspect family members.

Yes, we all know the spiel.

And that was how Johnson started the movie. Cool, looking forward to 2 hours of crimesolving fun.

Filthy brat and bad mother: Joni Thrombey (Toni Collette)

And that is where the fun stopped for hubby and me. No,  exactly first only for hubby. While I was still earnestly watching Knives Out and trying to figure out who the real murderer is, hubby’s face went dark, his eyes dead and he didn’t even snort or made other disappointed noises.

I know this is him on maximum pissed-off-ness! 😮

Ana de Armas in Knives Out (2019)
Nurse in distress: Marta Cabrera (Ana de Armas)

You know – maybe it was the same with you when you watched The Rise of Skywalker in the cinema – when the general mood of the audience is simmering on the brink to start a revolution. Yes, we had some amused gigglesnorts and even the one or other loud “Are you fukn kiddn me?” and a kinda spontanious solidarity among us fellow sufferers came to light.

That was not hubby’s reaction to Knives Out. He didn’t feel smug or made any commentaries or any noises at all. Highly dangerous.

Daniel Craig and Ana de Armas in Knives Out (2019)
Neither the Iron Throne nor the House of Flying Daggers

And when I noticed this behaviour I slowly started watching the movie with a more critical eye, too. And it dawned on me, Johnson was again fucking with us. And the whole cast was in it as well. They played a joke on us … and 99% of movie audiences thought what they watched was the second coming of Christ, a masterwork, Johnson’s tour de force.

But it wasn’t. It was crapola! And I’m gonna tell you why after the next still photo.

Chris Evans in Knives Out (2019)
So inscrutable he just had to be the murderer: Ransom Drysdale (Chris Evans)

Let’s start with the stellar cast. First and foremost Daniel Craig , who mercilessly overacted with the most cartoonishly thick Southern Gentlemen accent and a verbose vocabulary just to make sure we all would repect him as the super sleuth. Same as all the other cast members he portrayed not a realistic person but a one-dimensional cartoon figure.

Daniel Craig in Knives Out (2019)
A deep thinking investigator

Sorry, Mr. Johnson, when I see a bunch of ludicrous wannabe characters on screen, I simpy stop caring about who did what and when and why. So the screenplay, and may it be as wise and clever and double-twisty as all hell, just loses its appeal. Like totally.

The patriarch knows the difference between a real dagger and a theater prop

Chris Evans, can play the inscrutable back sheep of the family with verve and show his best work ever, the screenplay by Johnson doesn’t give him a worthwile character. The same with Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis , Michael Shannon , Don Johnson , Toni Collette , Christopher Plummer as the deceased patriarch and Frank Oz (yes, that Frank Oz!) in a small role as executor of the will. A whole lot of super duper talent completely wasted on one of the most boring whodunnits in, like, ever!

Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Johnson, Toni Collette, Michael Shannon, Riki Lindhome, Jaeden Martell, and Katherine Langford in Knives Out (2019)
Suspect, very very suspect, the lot of ’em

The only actress, who was kinda shining by doing more than just showing her face was Ana de Armas , as the maybe but factually not accidentally killer of Harlan Thrombey, the deceased patriarch.

Rian Johnson and Ana de Armas in Knives Out (2019)
One true artist and Rian Johnson

All the others enter the scene, act like assholes, reveal their motive to kill the patriarch and are more or less checked up. That’s so painting by numbers, and exciting as watching paint dry (pun not intended).   

Daniel Craig, Noah Segan, and LaKeith Stanfield in Knives Out (2019)
the bigshot private investigator can order the police around

Speaking of Ana de Armas, and her ooopsie. It happens after maybe a 3rd of the movie’s runtime, so we already witness and know exactly how the murder happened. Pfff … [insert sound of deflating balloon here]. The rest of the runtime of Knives Out we just follow her around trying to escape being caught and found out. That has nothing to do anymore with a clever detective play but is a pretty average thriller. Just without any action but lots of talktalktalk …

Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Johnson, Toni Collette, Christopher Plummer, K Callan, Chris Evans, Michael Shannon, Riki Lindhome, Ana de Armas, Jaeden Martell, and Katherine Langford in Knives Out (2019)
Still alive: Harlan Thrombey amidst his beloved family

When in the last third of the film Daniel Craig’s private detective Benoit Blanc, tries to figure out who the real killer is, we, the audience already know or at least have a strong hunch or – more likely – stopped caring altogether. :/

Rian Johnson at an event for Knives Out (2019)
How do you spot a pretentious pretender? They use Leica cameras, like Rian Johnson here.

CONCLUSION:

Subverting our expectations as usual, Ruin Johnson wasted a lot of real talent and some big names for a pretty – but ultimately pretty disppointing – pretentious shitfest. A totally wasted chance of a big cast whodunnit. 😦

Chris Evans, Rian Johnson, and Ana de Armas in Knives Out (2019)
Two real talents and one dipshit

YouTube doofuses:

 

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