Snake Oil?

Mornin’ Awesums!

Hau ja duin? Me… well, let me tell ya yesterday I had quite the odyssey … but lemme start at the begining. Ok, alternator not charging starter battery anymore so every start of the engine is just sucking from my new battery’s energy, so me off to my trusted car elecricians. They’ve moved places.


Little lost Orcsi lost all her powers somewhere in that area. Only survived thanks to the kindness of strangers.

Blindo me will never find the new location. My refusal to carry smartphones with me makes me a neanderthal on the road, grunt grunt. Turns out their new workshop isn’t even 5 minutes from our home but I didn’t know that, got lost in the ginormous industria, needed two jump starts by two very nice mobilists of which the second one even knew the new location of the electro people and guided me to that place.

Well, only took me, like, three hours and much embarrassment to get to a place right around the corner. :/ Anyway, me telling electro guys my worries with the alternator, they do diagnosis for 2 minutes and then it turns out alternator is A-Ok, just suffering from some weak and bad wiring. Another 5 minutes of fiddling and putting in a new wire with a brutally wide diameter and they were like “Dis be gud for next 20 years”.

Ok, kewl. So I prepare to do a 30-minutes run down the highway and back to get the battery charged up again and they are like “Oh noes, datz not enuff, you  better charge dat ding properly!”

Me then “Me don’t haz charger, waz stolen by crack addict neigbour’s son!” and they like “Bring it in, we charge it overnight.” And I like “Okies, gonna buy new charger”. 

And datz what I did. And diz is what I gotz:

Doesn’t look like traditional battery charger, no?

The clerk at Midas Auto Parts told me this is the hottest shit now: Connect and Forget! and never have problems again. Don’t even need to take battery out and charge in the kitchen. Like it says on the box: Everything automatic, all kinds of batteries, does all kinds of tests and charges with all possible and impossible batteries and keeps your starter battery fully charged for up to one full year of no driving! Because “trickle charge” or whatev. 😉

Diz not even cheapo Chinashit product but made in Belgium, it looks like … or at least sold by Belgian distributor or so. Well, you guys know me and my biggest handicaps: More mouth than actual knowledge, two left hands with all thumbs, plus a paralyzing laziness. So I’ll check in with the electroguys again to have them connect this wonderthingy. I guess I’ll soon find out if that was a good buy or if  they’ll throw their hands in the air and call me a stupid cunt for falling for a snake oil salesman. :/

Good thing I’ve kept the receipt. I may be stupid but I’m not that stupid!

Oh. How come I even need to start the engine so often you ask? Cuz the idle – while high enuff – is always going up n down, sputters a lot and even shuts off the engine sometimes! The other day it even happened while I was driving, not standing at traffic light. Also when accelerating the motor gets hiccup and refuses to accelerate. Mecha tells me is sumfink to do with vacuum or so, caused by bad head gasket or stuff. He’s now looking for the right gaskets. Luckily there are still enuff around of those cause the engine is much newer than the rest of Oubaas. Legendary Ford V6 3l, made in Essex/UK. Mine was made in the 80s or so, like totally new and amazing technology. Mhm.

I wish Oubaas would look so good! Yikes!




    • Thank you Cybele, wasn’t half that amusing during the ordeal you know. Was just hectic, sweaty, getting honked at, standing in the way, all that stuff …

      Liked by 1 person

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