O@tM: Another Roundhouse Kick

Welcome to Orca’s little culture corner and some movie reviews. These are all flicks that didn’t leave a big impression with me. Although ranging very much in production value and quality of the scripts and some of them even made by famous directors and superb cast, I didn’t feel like they were worth a big huge writeup for themselves. Usually I should have packed Spring Breakers in with this new bunch – most of them are far better anyway – but somehow I couldn’t wait writing a review about that shitflick.

Anyhoo, take a peek with me? Here we are:

Netflix: Where movies go to die

A retiring assassin suddenly finds himself on the receiving end of a hit, contracted by none other than his own employer seeking to cash in on the pensions of aging employees.

IMDb: 6.3

Decent IMDb rating, sexy cast – Vanessa Hudgens and Katheryn Winnick led by Mads Mikkelsen – dark-ish atmosphere and yet there was something not quite right about Polar. There is a reason when even decently big productions end up for grabs in Netflix’s bin.

I can’t even remember any particular scenes that grabbed my attention, can’t even remember if I was bored or how I felt about this flick at all. Fuk, I can’t even say if I was bored or just … meh?


68 Kill (2017)
This flick started the MGTOW movement

It started with a couple dead bodies and $68,000 in stolen cash. Chip Taylor’s girlfriend Liza had the perfect plan to rip off her rich sugar daddy. It should have been an easy in and out kind of deal. Nobody would get hurt and they would come out of it with enough loot to solve their problems. But things started going wrong as soon as they were inside the rich man’s house, and for Chip it was only the beginning of the longest, most terrifying ride of his life.

IMDb: 6.0

Let’s just say women are all psychopath axe murderers. This flick is pretty brutal and unflinchingly and unapologetic EVIL! I can’t say it was a joy to watch but I just couldn’t look away while the catastrophe unfolded right in front of my unbelieving eyes. Our naiive hero is led down a tragic path by various criminally insane beaches and one even more completely gaga brother.

At least in the end our boy’s the sole survivor.

I guess this was a D-Movie, made on a shoestring budget with and by a bunch of nobodies, but it will stick with me far longer than Polar. Not for entirely the right reasons tho. :/


Tony Schiena in Darc (2018)
Yakuza in the USA

A young boy, nicknamed Darc, witnesses his mother murdered by a Yakuza boss. Several years later and the boy is a man, and has just been released from jail. An Interpol agent organised his early release: he wants Darc to find his daughter who has been kidnapped by the same Yakuza boss. Darc now has two reasons to hunt the man down.

IMDb: 5.8

A  dirty little crime and revenge story. Except from a underutilized – and old – Armand Assante (not much left of the hot latin lover of the 80s) just another C-Movie with many nobodies. But compared to some other flicks it should’ve earned a higher IMDb-rating. Tony Schiena does his job quite well and the movie overall was very watchable and didn’t bore me. That is already something. Actually did Darc punch in above its pay grade.

Plus Yakuza!!! That’s always a bonus point, no?


Adam Devine, Anders Holm, and Blake Anderson in Game Over, Man! (2018)
Maybe not as funny as intended? Hence “Hello Netflix”

Alexxx, Darren, and Joel are three losers who work as maids at a hotel and all have problems. Alexxx is an impulsive and immature manchild. Darren constantly vapes to avoid the world around. Joel is a closeted gay man whose sexuality is obvious to everyone except himself. When word gets out that social media influencer Bae Awadi is coming to their hotel, the three try to pitch their game idea to him. But when terrorists arrive and take hostages, including Bae, the three must man up and save the day.

IMDb: 5.4

Good concept, badly done. And I’m not talking about the production design and the action but the screenplay, particularly, the mind-numbing dialogues. This flick was fast-paced, there was always something going on in this wannabe Die Hard spoof. Unfortunately most of the gags didn’t land, and apart from some physical slapstick comedy there wasn’t much in this film for us.

The three amigos played well and had good chemistry together, and they were talking a lot … but mostly nonsensical shit. A wasted opportunity for what could have been a very funny crime-comedy.


Downton Abbey (2019)
Just like we know it

The continuing story of the Crawley family, wealthy owners of a large estate in the English countryside in the early twentieth century.

IMDb: 7.6

Maybe I shouldn’t write about Downton Abbey, as I am probably the only person on the planet not completely smitten by Downton Abbey and its quirky inhabitatants. For me as a casual viewer of the series this was indeed the perfect continuation. I didn’t even notice a remarkably bigger production scale. Maybe some of the more lavish outside locations but mostly the screenplay keeps cast and audience inside the manor house that we all know so well.

The core story – basically a prank the Downton staff plays on the royal staff from Fuckingham palace – was a bit highschool comedy but without the wit.

It was amusing, yes, mildly amusing, and not even boring. But forgettable. So a bravo for the screenwriters and cast. Very good soapie, not much more.


Tarantino’s weirdest?

Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood visits 1969 Los Angeles, where everything is changing, as TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his longtime stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) make their way around an industry they hardly recognize anymore. The ninth film from the writer-director features a large ensemble cast and multiple storylines in a tribute to the final moments of Hollywood’s golden age.

IMDb: 7.9

Lastly the heavyweight, the one you’ve all been waiting for, Tarantino’s penultimate 9th film. And what a fukn plonker it turned out to be. Tarantino brought self-love and show-offmanship to new heights of self-indulgence.

The whole thing appears more like a revue show than an earnest movie, with all the lookalikes of H-wood stars of the 60s sprinkled all over the place and Tarantino-typical “Look mom, I know everything about film-making!”. Unfortunately he kinda forgot to make a reasonable movie around this set-up.

Of course hubby sees it completely different and rates this one higher than the last two movies, Django Unchained and Hateful Eight. Yes, right, they weren’t particularly superduper great but they had stories to tell, a story arc and drama. While OUaTiH just flowed along up to the satisfyingly brutal finale. Not good film-making, Mr. Tarantino!


Conclusion: Even the worst and most cheapo shitflick of this lot is a thousand times better than Star Wars 9, which I will watch with an open mind and completely free of prejudice. 😉


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