1 Out Of 10

Hello people,

may I ask you to look at this chart? This here:

Top10Pirate
Top Hits? Not for me. :/
Zendaya and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Me heeero!

These are the recently globally most piratized/downloaded/shared movies. I’m not even ashamed to admit I only downed and reviewed one of them. Yes, the Spidey flick, which was reasonably entertaining and interesting.

JD McCrary and Shahadi Wright Joseph in The Lion King (2019)
creepy CGI-ed pussies.

Didn’t even  look at the other ones, much less considered them worthy of a hardly legal download. Lion King? Fukdatshit. After a supposedly charming cartoon and a very successful musical (in my German home town they erected a giant tent in the harbour for that special show), this sort of hyper realistic uncanny valley attempt could just go wrong and err on the creepy side.

Der König der Löwen in Hamburg harbour.

Needless to say we didn’t watch either of the earlier productions, so we wouldn’t waste any energy on watching this one.

Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson in Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
German made chainsaw is best chainsaw!

Fast & Furious? Never ever watched even one of its predecessors because we’re too smart for that shit.

Peter Dinklage, Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, Danny McBride, Josh Gad, Rachel Bloom, and Awkwafina in The Angry Birds Movie 2 (2019)
More of the same?

Angry Birds 2? First one was funny, didn’t hear good things about the reheated one. Thanks but no  thanks.

4 times the same?

Toy Story 4? You kiddin’ me? I guess we watched 1 and 2 and were decently entertained, but we don’t need a rehash, like, 2000 years later.

Bah, humbug!

Dark Phoenix? Ugly girl ain’t a worthy Jean Grey.

Hmmm, could be interesting … maybe …

Nightingale? Never heard of that one, sorry.

The less interesting, more stupid and one-dimensional of our modern day Stan & Ollie team.

El Camino? Don’t get me wrong, we loved Breaking Bad and its quirky if slow method of storytelling, like everybody else, but in the end we were quite happy it was finally over. Walter White found his well-deserved end and Jessie Pinkman ended up in a dungeon. Audience = Happy. We don’t even wanna know what became of him later on. That show had run its purpose and was over and done with!

Bill Skarsgård in It Chapter Two (2019)
Honestly: I’m afraid of clowns. As it turns out for all the right reasons.

It: Chapter 2? Stephen King is surely a talented writer but the particular topic of It never got me interested. Ergo I never watched the original movie, nor any TV series. So why would I download chapter 2 all of a sudden?

Blaxploitation!

Dolemite is my name? I guess I’ve read or watched the first couple seconds of a review and decided it’s not for me. Plain and simple.

So, there you have it. Now you know why my O@tM output is so sparse these days. It’s all in the spirit of saving you and me from bullshit films. Yes, I am a cranky old hag but at least I got my untarnished dignity still intact! 🙂

 

4 comments

    • Well, you’re a professional movie reviewer, Jay. Me’s just a girl wiff a blog who likes to watch good – or at least spectacular – movies. I even love trainwrecks, when done with good intentions. From time to time we rewatch Oliver Stone’s Alexander, just for good measure. And hey, compared to many films of today (Disney’s Star Wars and MarvelSupHeros and acting ex-wrestlers) it’s a super duper movie!

      Let me guess. you didn’t see the 2 cartoons and the Autralian one F&F, Spidey, Dark Phoenix or Dolemite, right?

      Like

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