O@tM: Spider-Man: Far From Home

Super Hero movie, competently made

Following the events of Avengers: Endgame (2019), Spider-Man must step up to take on new threats in a world that has changed forever.

Our friendly neighborhood Super Hero decides to join his best friends Ned, MJ, and the rest of the gang on a European vacation. However, Peter’s plan to leave super heroics behind for a few weeks are quickly scrapped when he begrudgingly agrees to help Nick Fury uncover the mystery of several elemental creature attacks, creating havoc across the continent.

IMDb: 7.8

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)

Know what I don’t understand, like it totally escapes me? The amount of attention given to every little shitty flick coming out of Hollywood/CA, USA. The over-analysing, the long and long-winded reviews on YouTube videos, websites and blogs. I know of course we’re living in the times of the internet, serving us as our main source of information and entertainment, an interactive internet where every unqualified idiot can blare out their opionion about anything and the kitchen sink.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Mysterio saves the day, or does he?

Ooopsy, yes, even a totally stoopid moo like cartoon figure Orca can pretent to be a wise cinematographer and judge film products like it’s her business. 😮 But hear me out please, for this is less of a movie review, than a question of why we’re all so fascinated with analysing movies like we have them on our operating table and doing a vivisection of that thing? And why people watching and  reading all those reviews; so much so there are even dedicated sites for this shit. Rotten Tomatoes  and their infamous tomatoemeter for example; and even IMDb has it’s own score (which is better and the one I’m using in my amateurish posts).

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)

You may remember that my first two reviews of The Last Jedi were positive and I lauded “Roundhead” Ruin Johnson for being the better director than “Wunderkind” J.J. Abrams. Yes, I kow it was naive, but I honestly believed that for a couple days. It took some watching of YouTube reviews and reading up on the subject and a thousand voices of a thousand disgruntled members of the Fandom Menace for me to notice what a shitflick TLJ really was.

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Give it up. Peter, those goggles aren’t for you!

Or was it?

Or was I just gullible, easily tricked into following the herd of critics, just as easy as I followed the charlatan Johnson just a couple days earlier?

Spidey’s a jet-setter now

Are such questions important at all? Arent we all just putting too much weight and importance onto basicallly silly pop culture products? Weren’t you entertained by TLJ during its runtime? I was! And even later it took some serious soulsearching to change my mind about this honestly very very bad flick, which destroyed the whole Star Wars franchise.

Marisa Tomei and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Aunt May and her personal Spider-Man

But then we have to ask ourselves again: Why is Star Wars so precious for us? Why are we so afraid one superduper disgusting movie might destroy an overhyped franchise of basically kiddie flicks? Let’s think back at the original trilogy (4,5,6), and if those were really great cinematographic master pieces. I don’t think so. Honestly epi 4 and 5 were kinda great, epi 6 was childish at best. Ewoks, come on, fukn ewoks? Stupid cuddle teddies. :/

Zendaya and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
MJ on a joy ride in spidey’s arms

And then the second trilogy, the prequels: OMG, super childish and annoying and badly acted. And the characters, my furkin gawd: JarJar Binks anyone?

See what I mean?

Samuel L. Jackson and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Fury and Dark Spidey

What blew the Star Wars franchise so out of proportion was the whole plethora of sideshow stuff around those six movies: Books, comics, TV specials, animated series, action figures and miniatures, all that jazz. Star Wars has a place in our heads and our hearts, for reasons I just can’t fathom. And which it ultimately does not deserve.

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Spidey’s dark side

And then some random megalomaniacs at Disney totally fuk up one of their many many franchises and movies and … ZOMG! It’s the end of the fuxing world!!! Or at least of the civilized western hemisphere! 😮

No, it ain’t!

Particularly Disney produces crappy underperforming shitshows all the time. Doesn’t seem to bother them. So why should we bother?

Jon Favreau and Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Jon Favreau’s Happy Hogan ain’t so happy

Whole YouTube channels were founded for just one purpose: Criticising and ultimately destruction of the devilish trio Kennedy, Abrams and Johnson. I was honestly just waiting for the first suicides of disappointed fans. 😮

But I digress. :/

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)

This was supposed to be a Spider-Man: Alone at Home review, right?

And with all that I just said in mind, well, we can keep this pretty short can’t we? But you didn’t klik on this post to read a “Was ok, I give it a 6.7”, don’t ya? So let’s analyze the shit out of this flick.

Samuel L. Jackson and Cobie Smulders in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Maria Hill (Coby Smulders) and Nick Fury (Sam Jackson) facing some destruction.

But no, by its very nature, being based on super hero comic books, the material doesn’t deserve to and doesn’t want to be vivisected. Can’t we just enjoy a silly super hero flick for what it fucking is anymore? I betcha a fiver you’ll have more fun that way.

Honestly, I don’t mind spending lots of time and thoughtwork into a movie review – if the material asks for it. No Marvel, DC, Star Wars or Disney flick in circulation right now is worth the effort. 😐

Samuel L. Jackson in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
No Marvel movie without Nick Fury (Sam Jackson)

So, yeah, the latest Spidey flick was fun and even a bit different from what he usually does. Spidey (a convincing Tom Holland) is on European tour with his hi skool class, and his main concern is to get his crush MJ (Zendaya) in his bunk … or at least a little peck on  the mouth or nose or sumsuch. They are Americans you must know, so don’t expect a hot sexy love story.

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Spidey looks stupid with Iron Man’s glasses

Anyway, the ensemble did expectedly well but I couldn’t find any outstanding acting. Not even the famed Jake Gyllenhaal (Quentin Beck/Mysterio) made me toss my panties. Normally yes, but not in this flick, sorry.

Zach Barack, Tony Revolori, Remy Hii, Angourie Rice, and Jacob Batalon in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Spidey’s class of 2019

And the plot?

Oh well, silly. Pretty much nonsense around the clock. But who’s complaining? We’ve seen Spidey outside of New York, nothing can shock us now. Oh, maybe that fact how fresh and young Marisa Tomei (Aunt May) still looks.

Marisa Tomei in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Auntie May worries about her spider-nephew

Apart from that Spidey Home Alone was an exciting flick out of Marvel’s second line-up, that entertained us well. And as I said already, we can’t and won’t ask for more. Not with those kind of movies. From all the MCU flicks this was one of the better. Still not sure if the Sam Raimi/Tobey McGuire flicks weren’t maybe better, but in the context of 2019 this was a very fine film.

Jake Gyllenhaal in Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Gyllenhaal tries to bring some heft and weight into a teenage flick. 😉

“Go away now!”

Grace mercilessly over-analyses. 😮


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