O@tM: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Mhm, I said I won’t watch this shit. And I won’t review it either. Much too mature and adult to care about those kiddeshit flicks.

And yet we’ve watched it. As you know Tinseltown’s output of decent movies is very lacklustre these days, and I thought Hey, a funky big budget CGI spectacle is better than most other shit right now so let’s give it a fighting chance.

But I can assure you already watching Godzilla was a pure and utter waste of our time. :/

If you redo a classic for the umpteenth time, at least do it right!

The crypto-zoological agency Monarch faces off against a battery of god-sized monsters, including the mighty Godzilla, who collides with Mothra, Rodan, and his ultimate nemesis, the three-headed King Ghidorah.

The new story follows the heroic efforts of the crypto-zoological agency Monarch as its members face off against a battery of god sized monsters, including the mighty Godzilla, who collides with Mothra, Rodan, and his ultimate nemesis, the three headed King Ghidorah. When these ancient superspecies, thought to be mere myths, rise again, they all vie for supremacy, leaving humanity’s very existence hanging in the balance.

Godzilla in Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
The chameleons in our garden appear to be bigger than this monster

Remember the 2014 Godzilla? It was crap, wasn’t it? Mhm. And still it was a great great movie tour de force compared to its 2019 copy. Not only because it had fucking Bryan Cranston in it (for a while) but because it had its heart in the right place. It was a movie, albeit a bad one, but at least it was one, with halfways original content and stuff. And kinda good acting by the actors.

With Gojira into the heart of darkness

And exactly that was 2014 Godzilla’s downfall. The audiences didn’t wanna watch  drama, they wanted to see more of the big guy. Much more. So in 2019 the filmmakers had the grandiose idea to give the people what they want … not always the best strategy if you wanna create a quality product, right?

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Godzilla has the hots for you!

So this time around all human personnel was reduced to dummies and the main spotlight was on Zilla and his gang of friends/foes, fighting it out in countless inconsequential CGI battles. Very boring for everybody above the age of 14. And, and this must be said, pretty bad and chaoticly set in scene. Camera angles and framing was mostly hapless, and confusing for the audience. Which is even more worrisome when you take into account that no actual camera was involved in the monster battles, but all shots were planned and created exactly the way they appear on our screens. 😮

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
It may look so but I can assure you, Goddy and Mothra are not having sex

What else is there to say? All human actors were wasted by having to recite stupid af lines from a script that was obviously written by a bunch of drunken 12- year olds. Hollywood’s wunderkind, Stranger Things‘s Millie Bobby Brown, plus Vera Farmiga, Kyle Chandler, Sally Hawkins, and both alibi Asians Ken Watanabe and Ziyi Zhang … all accomplished actors and all more or less – but mainly more – playing the roles of stupid kidz. Really, no other way to explain their actions and statements. Particularly noticeable in Charles Dance’s scenes. I was just waiting for him to shout at the director or throw some hard and heavy object at him. He oozed frustration from every pore of his body.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Fly me to the moon

So, what do we have here? A super bad flick for no audience. The action scenes with multiple monsters were boring af, the actors mostly appeared as if they asked themselves some existential questions, like “when will they wrap it up? I have an appointment with my friend Johnny in my trailer”, “why am I even in this movie?”, “was that all?”, “what am I living for”, “can I please kill my agent now?”. And the discerning, mature audiences’ thoughts obviously went in the same direction.

Mothra creates her own weather

See the screenshots? Did you notice there isn’t a single shot showing any cast members yet? I’m quite sure there must be some, coming later. But I already said my piece, my review ends here, and I’m really not in the mood scrambling for more pictures …

Vera Farmiga and Millie Bobby Brown in Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Ok, about thousand screenshots further down the line we finallly find a shot of mother/daughter team Very Farmiga and Millie Bobby Brown, who both acted like dorks btw. Pheew. Happy now?





    • Renard, firstly I gotta say sorry for accidentally releasing this review without having it finished. I was falling asleep at my desk and must have hit the Publish button much too early.
      And, yes, sometimes kiddish flicks make us laugh, sometimes clowns make us laugh. But Godzilla:KotM and Donald Trump taking themselves serious. They were not supposed to be laughed at, so I for myself decided in both cases to be rather angry than amused.

      Liked by 1 person

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