O@tM Double Feature: Captain Marvel + Shazam

Fortunately this dueling duo arrived at our favourite piratey space pretty much in close proximity, so I can make it short and don’t have to waste time, neither yours nor mine. Let’s see what we could learn from these two flicks.

CaptainMarvel
Everybody was right about this flick. 😦

After crashing an experimental aircraft, Air Force pilot Carol Danvers is discovered by the Kree and trained as a member of the elite Starforce Military under the command of her mentor Yon-Rogg. Six years later, after escaping to Earth while under attack by the Skrulls, Danvers begins to discover there’s more to her past. With help from S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Nick Fury, they set out to unravel the truth.

IMDb: 7.0

Fortunately all the supporting roles did rather well.

I made it a rule for me to not watch, read or listen to any movie reviews by other outlets before I watch movies myself. But nowadays it’s hard to ignore the media storm that is hypered around certain movies by certain studios. So we already knew that Captain Marvel was supposedly rather shitfest of a flick. From a rather badly intended movie down to its sub-par main character everybody said this was not right.

Annette Bening in Captain Marvel (2019)
Really Annette Bening, really? Fire your agent!

If you know Orca you know she’s not one to howl with the pack so I tried to ignore and blend out all the media voices, all the shitstorm and nagative (yes, I said “nagative” since my puns are as cheesy as Marvel’s, at least) vibes around the movie. At least I tried. But it’s hard if you switch on your computer and first thing you get is: Brie Larsen bad, Brie Larsen evil, Brie Larsen SJW, Brie Larsen hated by all her co-avengers, Brie Larsen spoiled brat, Brie Larsen empathic ability of a Sherman tank. It’s really hard to keep an open mind in these times and stay the adult in the room.

Brie Larson in Captain Marvel (2019)
See the difference between ScarJo and Larsen in the hero stance? ScarJo looks with intent. Larsen with disgust and boredom and confused as she figures out something problematic.

I must admit I don’t like Brie Larsen either. She’s just not my type of person. But as always I tried to ignore my personal feelings and just judge the film and how good she’s in it. And I’ve gotta say, yes, she’s pretty good … in her own way. Her acting is unpathetic and kinda natural (if you can speak of natural within the Avengers universe at all).

Brie Larson in Captain Marvel (2019)
Okay, our hero can fly.

Brie Larsen is hardly to blame for the miserable screenplay, which was again cobbled together with all the good intentions and toxicity of a bunch of SJWs. Of course her erratic behaviour during the PR campaign is hardly excusable but of no consequences for the movie, which was finished before she made a public ass of herself.

Brie Larson in Captain Marvel (2019)
SJW millenial doesn’t understand the world.

Still Captain Marvel is a confuzzled, listlessly made train wreck that ticks a lot of boxes … but without any of the qualities we come to expect from a modern super hero action movie. I guess at the heart of the problem lies the bad misconception the screenwriters obviously have of the concept of a “hero”. This becomes abundantyl clear when Cpt Marvel introduces herself to Sam Jackson’s CGId Nick Fury as a member of a “race of heroes”. Jeezuz, fuk, don’t these people know the first thing about life in general? Heros are not born, they are made, they arrise on occasion. You can’t just come up with a whole race of people doing hero-stuff 24/7. Makes no sense.

Samuel L. Jackson and Clark Gregg in Captain Marvel (2019)
Nick Fury and that FBI agent which is in every Avengers movie, for whatever reason.

So what we have here is a female hero! She can do everything, can beat every villain with ease and no effort and not even break a sweat. Whoohoo, she can breathe in space! And make grunting noises so we get the notion it’s not as easy to move galaxies or sumfink as it looks. Yeah, it’s as exciting to watch as I just described it. :/

Jude Law, Brie Larson, and Rune Temte in Captain Marvel (2019)
Jude Law did quite well as a villain.

Speaking of sense, the whole movie didn’t make any sense. At all. What a stupid plonker, boring and pathetic, with not enough flesh to grab at. Seen and already forgotten five minutes later. Shitty movie. Let’s hope it’ll never be mentioned again and disappear from our common commemoration. Maybe it’ll be a fun little laugh as a late night cult flick, a new Rocky Horror Picture Show, in about 50 years time or so.

Brie Larson in Captain Marvel (2019)
Yes, we get it: Our heroine can fly.

 




 

 

Shazam!
Better than Captain Marvel?

In Philadelphia, Billy Batson is an abandoned child who is proving a nuisance to Child Services and the authorities with his stubborn search for his lost mother. However, in his latest foster home, Billy makes a new friend, Freddy, and finds himself selected by the Wizard Shazam to be his new champion. Now endowed with the ability to instantly become an adult superhero by speaking the wizard’s name, Billy gleefully explores his new powers with Freddy. However, Billy soon learns that he has a deadly enemy, Dr. Thaddeus Sivana, who was previously rejected by the wizard and has accepted the power of the Seven Deadly Sins instead. Now pursued by this mad scientist for his own power as well, Billy must face up to the responsibilities of his calling while learning the power of a special magic with his true family that Sivana can never understand.

IMDb: 7.4

Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer in Shazam! (2019)
That supposed to be funny?

About Shazam! we only knew it was supposedly better than Captain Marvel and that DC did all the things right Marvel did wrong. Oh, do we really have to compare too inherently silly super hero universes, and their production studios now? Has our shared culture and civilization accumulated to this? Are super hero movies milestones to measure up to now?

Ok, let’s do it then.

Grace Fulton in Shazam! (2019)
Billy’s older foster-sister is the only adult in the movie.

Yes, although playing in  a very different genre than Cpt. Marvel Shazam! is miles ahead and, yes, much better. LOL, the benchmark was pretty low, I guess your last vacational video was a better flick than Captain Marvel.

Zachary Levi in Shazam! (2019)
Hero stance! I still prefer ScarJo!

Without going into the socio-cultural message and meaning of Shazam’s screenplay – there was not much – we can say the stars and cast did very well in this movie. That’s it. No, really, not much to say about the plot at all, no lessons to be learned for the audience. Nothing to take home.

Mark Strong was wasted in this childish flick.

Plotwise Shazam! was a bit all over the shop. Family drama, neglected children, comedy, drama, dramedy, family sitcom … Shazam! failed in nearly every aspect. I can’t even say who this movie was made for. The dreaded Young Adults maybe? Yes, sure why not the fabled YA crowd … a group so diverse and adverse and only kitted together by an age bracket, it’s nearly impossible to distill any common taste and education level or any levels of comprehension from.

Asher Angel in Shazam! (2019)
Whoa! SFX like this we come to expect in 2019. Maybe they can cut that shit off and concentrate on good screenplays rather?

As it was with the older and wiser audience of hubby and me. While hubby enjoyed it, I enjoyed it to a little extend only but was mostly asking myself what the feck I was watching there. 😮 Goonies, Avengers, Spider Man, some PTSD drama? Then it dawned on me: Why must I make up my mind if the movie obviously couldn’t do it for itself.

Zachary Levi, Grace Fulton, Jovan Armand, Jack Dylan Grazer, Ian Chen, and Faithe Herman in Shazam! (2019)
Zachary Levi was ok in his role, but he would’ve failed as well as Shazam would have failed without his movie siblings.

In the end Shazam! was not as abbrasively bad as Cpt. Marvel but overall pretty forgettable. A colourful, fast-paced and loud shambles of a movie with lots of good ideas that never came to fruition. What a shame, really. With a bit more focus and bias on one of the many topics this could’ve become a pretty good film, a parable, an analogy. Come on, kidz, it’s easy to find humour in the most dramatic situations, but just presenting us bad humour, jokes that are not working anyway – because they have no context where they can work in – just for the joke’s sake isn’t working for a movie.

Asher Angel in Shazam! (2019)
Shazam’s alter ego Billy looks at the streets of Philadelphia.

The most interesting character in Shazam! would have been Mark Strong’s Dr. Sivana, but the way he was neglected by the script ruined the whole movie. Shazam/Billy Angel’s problem’s are comparatively small, he was just abandoned by a much too young mother, while Sivana was fighting an uphill battle against a very demanding father figure and a meaniepooface brother from the first second on.

Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer in Shazam! (2019)
Hero stance for when your hero is in fact just a  14 y/o boy.

Oh, speaking of which, the flim opens with the Sivana family, conflicting and drama-ing … and then he disappears for a good while, so we almost forget about him. And the movie kinda starts again with the Bily/Shazam story arc, which isn’t as half as interesting as Sivana’s could have been.

Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer in Shazam! (2019)
13 y/o heros can have fun!

It’s all these very basic, incorrigible mistakes in modern movies that makes them so unappetizing for any older, discerning audience. In the end it suffices to say that both candidates missed the mark by a mile. No matter if Shazam! was better than Captain Marvel, on this lowlow level of cinematic entertainment it really doesn’t say anything.

Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer in Shazam! (2019)
They shouldn’t really drink so much soda … and not from environmentally harmful cans, ffs!!!

Both movies sucked! 😦

Zachary Levi and Jack Dylan Grazer in Shazam! (2019)
Poking fun at the bad guys was more fun for Shazam and Freddy than for the audience.

 

7 comments

  1. Thank you. THANK YOU. So many people see nothing really wrong with the superhero movies that come out these days, one is hard-pressed to burst their bubble or start a verbal WWIII over it. Just not worth it. I give up!
    So I’m so glad to see eye to eye with someone about the load of crap being shoveled down our throats as of late. I mean, I actually came across a blog where someone said The Revenant was BORING. Why? Because it had slow, sweeping shots of vast snow plains or dense forest or close-ups of Leonardo Di Caprio’s tortured face and there were no explosions or tits showing or robots turning into cars or 200 billion shot changes in five seconds? Hmm. I bet if I climbed through that blogger’s computer into his room, he’d be 30 or under and still living at home and also an incel!

    Anyway, yeah. Brie Larson was better suited with her sort of emotionally laid-back, natural acting mode for the United States of Tara where I thought she was really good. Captain Marvel was a nightmare of illogical, predictability, and just idioicy. We didn’t pay for it, though. Just so you know, lol !!!

    Haven’t seen Shazam yet. Might have to get drunk first.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your wise words, Stacey. I must admit it took me a while to see how bad all those Avengers movies really are. Now that my eyes are open I will continue watching them, of course, but only for review reasons. And because hubby watches all kinds of shit. :/

      That Marvel movie fights are strangely impact-less is a long-time pet peeve of mine but now their scripts are getting really really dumb. It’s no fun anymore.

      Now Shazam is a different sort of beast. It really could have been THE summer movie 2019, an instant cult hit, the movie to end all Marvels … in one fell swoop. 🙂 Unfortunately the makers were obviously inapt idiots, setting wrong priorities, failing to identify the target group, having too many irons in the fire and ultimately fokking it all up. 😦

      But it’s enjoyable enough for one evening, astonishingly warm and humane and … childish. 😉 You will survive without drug and alc influence, I’m quite sure. 😉

      Ok, tonight’s movie: Alita Battle Angel. Let’s see if that is better. Haven’t watched the anime yet, so I can’t compare and going in with an open mind.
      Will report, maybe tomorrow …

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just wondering… Captain Marvel (DC) vs. Captain Marvel (Marvel) movie review… Did you do that on purpose? Did Orca even know Mr. Shazam! also was called Captain Marvel at a time?

    Liked by 2 people

    • No! Just no. Orcsi never does anything on purpose, neverever.

      It’s just that both flicks appeared on Yify recently and I grabbed that chance by its horns. Only noticed they were from “The Rivals” when the opening crawls were running. I’m out of the comics reading age, never was into comics anyway (remember: neglected girlchild of northern Germany in the 70s, we had enough to do outdoors in the woods and on the beaches to waste our time with something as boring as stupid comics). I really heard of Shazam! for the first time in my life in connection with the movie.

      Like

  3. Yeah, it sounds like Shazam! could have been another Dead Pool or Guardians of the Galaxy hit but they missed their mark. Too bad. Edgar Wright should get hired to do more of that kind of directing. I think he gets the comedy pretty right on target, no?
    Will wait for Alita. Hubby hates that they made her eyes look that way. He think they could have gotten away with just being normal. I have no idea. Not familiar with the character at all–like you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hm, ya, good idea Stacey. You think they invented Shazam! as comic relieve (or is it relief?) because GotG and DP worked so good for Marvel? Yeah, why not? I’m buying that. And actually every film gets better when its made by Edgar Wright. Those Brits have a fine sense of humour and timing. Loved all the stuff he made with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Or Baby Driver … https://orcaflotta.blog/2017/09/28/otm-baby-driver/

      Yes, my hubs hated Alita’s big-eyed look as well. And when I told him it’s an anime adaptation he was like ‘but all the others look normal’. Hmmm, yes, okeeeee….

      Liked by 1 person

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