As most of you might know I’m not much of a fan of the Relay for Life thingy since I find it highly hypocritical by the Big Pharma Corps to beg for donations in order to continue their research for a cure. These corporations are raking in billions of dollars, use all the dirty tricks in the book to avoid paying taxes and don’t give a flying wet towel about your life … or mine. It’s a shakedown dontcha think? In my eyes that’s highly sarcastic and inhumane. And it’s soooo very American. And that’s why I only half-heartedly support the RfL in Second Life.
And then I read Patricia de Chenier’s blog where she thanks all who relayed and I stumble about sentences like “a fight we never picked – with cancer”, and something in me goes Gulps. 😮 And I’m feeling vulnerable and weak and all I want is clarity and the good feeling of being clean and free of cancer. You know part of the reason for our annual trips to Jerryland are the medical checkups. Contrary to our situation in South Africa, here we are impeccably insured with the public health care system, so we use it mainly to visit the dentist and the GP … but also to have a preventive medical checkup for cancer.
I was at the gynaecologist just yesterday, and my utrasonic testing looked quite pretty, as she said. Nevertheless I must go in on Monday again to discuss my blood tests with her … and now I’m kinda nervous. Lost my older sister to cancer in 2005 and my mom just had a huge growing tumour and half her intestines removed in a major operation and my dad suffers from skin cancer, so I’m kinda nervous as you might understand. It sucks!
I was always like “Pfff, cancer is for other people, not for me”. But in these days, hanging in between fear and uncertainty, I find it very easy to understand why people are flocking together and trying to do just about anything in the vague hope for help and a cure.
Anyway, it’s just Thursday morning now, and I’ll receive the resluts of my blood test only on Monday. What to do now? Best not thinking about the implications, about the possibility I might be one of those “others”, one of the cancer patients. Oh fuk, I’m afraid. Like really afraid. Oh. Arrrgs! Too late, bitch. Too fukn late. Not just thinking but blogging about the big bad C. Is that a bad omen? Do I fuk with destiny now? Must I delete this post before sending it off? Is it too late to become religious and pray my little heart out? Do I have to pay church tax? Must I read the bible or the qur’an or talmud? Jeezuz what to do now? Maybe I should just stop the nervous babble and rambl…