Custodians of Crap

Hai geeks and aficionados of the Orcablog,

you’ve already gathered from the title that this will be a rather rambly litte article, Orca’s geeking out on shit and ranting her little heart out, what’s left of it. Yes, it’s about Linux. Again. As almost every day, since I hate to waste a day without doing at least something about Linux. And let’s be honest here, writing, reading, thinking about Linux is, even if you’re not too interested in this operating system, is still a whole magnitude better, more entertaining and more wholesome than having to read about American politics and Trump and Russia and Putin and all that shite. Am I right?

Just two assholes nobody wants to hear about

Today I wanna try to separate good from bad, useful shit from hardly functional crap and why we find both sorts in the Linux world instead of just the good stuff.

Heeeey! I said “good stuff” not Windows! Go away, Bill!

If you tick like me, you’re not too invested in technology, IT stuff and all that crappola. You use your computer like any other household appliance, to get stuff done. And once you’re done with it, you shut it off and go do something else. But wait, if everybody would think and live that same way, would we have computers at all? And the software? Windows, MacOS, Unix, Linux?

Girls’ computers

No, we wouldn’t. Simple as that. We wouldn’t have computers at all. And as much as it might pain you to admit it, you’re mighty happy about owning a computer, even if you hate that stupid machine. Because, best example, without a computer on your disposal you’d never gotten into Second Life, haven’t heard about Orcsi’s little bloggo and many other nifty stuffz.

Tru dat!

We got all these nice things thanks and due to geeks and nerds and anoraks and greedy business people. Yeah, I hate them as well, all the Gates and Jobs and Bezos and Shuttleworths and Torvalds of the world, these wonderfully crazy, socially inept, one-track minded assholes. But without them we wouldn’t be here right now, would we? I would’nt never ever have picked up a stupid laptop and joined SL and later started to blog about it. Because without those assholes: No Microsoft, no Apple, no laptops, no Second Life, no blogging … the list goes on. In other words, we need those stinkers and their creativity and risk taking lifestyles, their uncondescending, careless following of their own path.

Socially challenged Linus Torvalds

And that brings us back to Linux and why there is so much choice and so much crap in the Linux world. First we gotta accept that most Linux creators, code contributors and distro maintainers are hobbyists. They do this Linux thing because they are interested in playing with computers. Stupid, I know. But we need those fraggles. So for many of them it’s just interesting to see how they can do stuff differently. They aren’t even interested in making stuff better, not necessarily. Just different without breaking it, proving a concept is good enough for them. And to put the crown on top of their efforts, they publish their newfangled system on Sourceforge or Github. For the whole world to download and appreciate or ignore or whatever.

Where everybody can put their Linux distro on


Yes, many of the available 300something Linux distributions aren’t even meant to be really worthwile alternatives to already existing, well-established distros. And we see it daily when reading Linux blogs and magazines. Many of these Linux distros are one-person fly-by-night operations that change their codebase, their desktop environment and their name … and then disappear back into obscurity.

Really anybody and their granny can host their shit for download here

All this might be very concerning for a person mildly interested but mostly clueless in and about Linux. For no reason. But they don’t know that. They wouldn’t know that their choice is indeed not as vast and great as it appears. Lower than rank #20 in the DistroWatch charts is bullshit territory, we don’t go there! In fact I’d say as a total n00b, looking for your first distro, one should stick with the Top 5. Or, to make it even more easy, why not just go with the numero uno, Linux Mint? It’s freakin’ number #1 for a fukn REASON, ffs!!!

Find the whole Top 100 list on DistroWatch.

Look exactly what is where and try to guess why any distro is on which rank. Mint is the top of the pops since years, it has earned its place on the top and good reputation. Of course all the wannabe experts (and Orca) find something to complain about, some stuff that’s not to their liking and stupid and sub-optimal. But the vast majority of mom n dad users just love Mint for its ease of use and stability. End of story.

“Fedora? What the fuk’s wrong with you? I want Mint!”

You’ve maybe watched Orca’s list of recommendations grow shorter and shorter over time until she ended up with just Linux Mint on it. You don’t need anything else, never need to worry about any other Linux or operating sytem again. Except when you want! If your experiences in Linux got your taste buds wet and you wanna know more, play more, geek out more!

DistroWatch Top 100 ranking

And then please let your gaze slide down the chart until it comes to the very bottom where we find Ubuntu Mate. The mostest famoustest Linux distro ever, with the most userfriendly desktop … so far down? You get the same Mate desktop with Mint and Manjaro and Antergos as well, how come Ubuntu’s flavour is so far down? Because the so-called experts slowly figured out what a shitty base system Ubuntu is; clunky, unfriendly, not thought through, just crappy. And even tho Ubuntu has the bestest n00b friendly Mate application, it’s not good enough to compete with the others.

Zit faced …

And again we must be thankful for zitfaced basement dwellers and their expertise in Linuxy stuff. Thanks to them we don’t have to deal with crap. Look at Orca’s new favourite home system, Namib GNU/Linux … no, don’t waste your time, you won’t find it on DistroWatch. It’s pretty new and still in the process of collecting recommendations before the DistroWatch guys will even take it into consideration to include Namib into the ranks of officially covered distributions.

… basement dweller

Don’t get me wrong please, I love Namib and find its Mate flavour yummier, faster, more easy and unproblematic than, for example, Manjaro’s version. Still Manjaro is on #2 while Namib hasn’t even entered the race. They showed a ravishing climb up the ranks, also for a reason. Same as the Mint of past years, in the Ubuntu family, so did Manjaro show good user friendlyness in the Arch family. So much so, they catapulted the geekyfreaky Arch code right into the mainstream.

You yesterday. We gonna change that! With Linux. 😉

But admittedly, Mate ain’t their flagship desktop and runs only as a community project, one of many. While on Namib GNU/Linux, Mate is the sole desktop environment, it’s something the developer focused on and integrated it seamlessly. It shows in unproblematic daily operation. Thanks to users like me, maybe we’ll see a rocket propelled rise on DistroWatch for Namib as well.

Manjaro’s rise

Who knows. Who cares?

You, as you are new, as I assume, shouldn’t care at all! Don’t break your pretty Bento noggin over such freaky shit! Rather be happy you found Orca and her stupid bloggo. Because Orca isn’t as socially inept and geeky as most of the Linux fraggles. Not just because she’s female (because gurlz can be just as antisocial bishes as boiz) but because she has a quite high EQ factor and is quite empathic.

Don’t ever confuse empathy with sympathy. I hand you an umbrella because I feel you need it, not because I love you sooooo…

Which means I know where you’re coming from, what you want, what you don’t want and I’ll try to get you into Linux … for exactly that reason. Because after just a couple weeks in Linux you’ll figure out how easypeasy your computing life has become and you’ll be happy to have escaped the walled garden of proprietary hard- and software.

Thar She Blows! readers after coming out of the Microsoft phase. \o/ w00t! \o/

Need some real reasons for why you should compute on Linux Mint? Watch the mighty Joe’s video. That guy is transforming Windows and Apple users into Linuxers, and he does so since many many years and is very respected in the YouTube Linux community:



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