O@tM: The Snowman

Sheeesh…

SnowPoster
This film was ought to be great. 😮

When an elite crime squad’s lead detective investigates the disappearance of a victim on the first snow of winter, he fears an elusive serial killer may be active again. With the help of a brilliant recruit, the cop must connect decades-old cold cases to the brutal new one if he hopes to outwit this unthinkable evil before the next snowfall.

IMDb: 5.2

Tomatometer: Critics 7%, Audiences 20%

WTF???

Have you seen the ratings at Rotten Tomatoes? I guess that’s about the worst numbers I’ve ever seen on that page. And hubby and me didn’t like it much neither. Although we’re big fans of Jo Nesbo’s crime thrillers around his Oslo/Norway based detective Harry Hole.

So what the fuque went wrong with this movie?

Let’s try to analyze …

The Snowman had it all: A wonderful ensemble …

SnowCast

… and a director with with enough experience and some good movies under his belt. And it must be said, the direction was good for the most part, as was the acting. I guess this is one of those overly ambitious movies, probably supposed to kickstart a fresh new franchise, that was ruined by committee or the studio and overzealous managers.

The Snowman starts kinda ok-ish but already in the first scenes we noticed bad voice-overs which made us sceptical for the rest of the movie. And we were right, since it got worse and worse and turned into a lethal car crash.

 

And those bad voice-overs became more and more and pretty easy to spot. I guess the usually great J.K. Simmons was dubbed with a completely strange voice. But that wasn’t even the worst as he appeared as if he couldn’t wait to get off the set. Not a good sign. The atmosphere on location must’ve been as cold as the Norwegian winter.

Val Kilmer was a total dud in this flick. His character was of no significant meaning and he acted accordingly: “Here, I said my lines, can I go now? And don’t forget to send the paycheck!”

Best Worst of all was the man, Michael Fassbender himself. But we gotta admit his role was so badly written, there wasn’t much to rescue for him. In any way, this wasn’t as we imagined our new broken hero to be like. It’s not a problem, not even for manly men, to play drunkards and erratic decisionmakers, but in Fassbender’s Harry Hole was no character development, no warmth. We couldn’t feel with him. The worst kind of hero imaginable.

Rebecca Ferguson was the only positive aspect of this whole sad trainwreck, she tried to save this movie but was ultimately doomed to fail. The screenwriters didn’t give her enough material to work with.

But all in all she was the most important person on screen, she was pushing the case forward while Fassbender, for the most part, was reduced to observe her progress. I guess Jo Nesbø wasn’t a part of the production team and didn’t write the screenplay or at least supervised some plot parts. Nothing. It seems as if the director and studio went into the catastrophe fully aware of their brainfartish, amateurish decisions.

And yet nobody pulled the plug!

Or they pulled it much too late and had to publish and distribute this desaster anyway.

While hubby and me could at least marvel at the pretty nice cinematography it wasn’t enough to save this flick. You know how, in a usual thriller the suspense spiral higher and higher and then usually explodes in an action packed finale? A final duel between our hero and the boss-level villain?

No! The Snowman is so poorly constructed, in its endless succession of middle fingers it shows its worst one right in the end. Never have I ever witnessed a more anticlimactic final fight. Both fighters are wounded. Not badly but enough to not feel so good. Anyway, literally seconds before bad guy wants to jump on good guy, total randomly he trips onto thin ice … and freezes/drowns. Harry Hole’s contribution to bad guy’s end?

Null, zero, zilch, nada!

And it was clearly to see that this grande finale was even a re-shot. Fassbenders hair looked different all of a sudden. Add to that some half-assed CGI solutions and the continuity error seemed only half bad. 😮 But believe me, at that time I was so far zoned out, not even a fukn nuke explosion could’ve made me focus on the film and convinced me of The Snowman’s qualities as a movie.

CONCLUSION: Holy hand grenade, bat-man, that was a bummer. From start to finish, from Denmark to Finland. 🙂

WATCH IT? Nope!

Hmm, maybe if you have a secret hidden fetish for observing slow rolling trainwrecks. You know, no explosions but still a handful dead peeps. Then it might be for you.

WHAT YOUTUBE SAYS:

Production Issues & Harry Hole Explained

Not even the always forgiving, and much too soft, Dr. K doesn’t like it.

“The movie is all over the place.”

“There is no reason for this movie to not be, at least, good.”

 

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