Hey, we’re not talking about just any cuntry here, we’re talking about stinkin’ rich and fat Germany, a country brought up on beer instead of mother’s milk. What’s wrong with them Jerry fux???

 

 

 

I mean, to be fair, this was very predictable since quite a while. Beer sales and profits were going down since years already and the breweries were trying to blow fresh life into the moribund brewing craft by inventing always new – and more and more repelling – beer flavours. They put in lemons, fruit cocktail, lemonade, carbonated water and other disgusting stuffs but nothing helped against beer’s downward trend. And I know why and I know it has nothing to do with its taste and its longterm impact on your potbelly.

 

No, the answer is much more easy: Beer is and always was considered a poor man’s beverage, a blue collar, working class, honest to the bone, salt of the earth beverage for the man on the street. And as it so happens, and with the global economic crisis that did even catch up with spoiled Germans, nobody wants to have anything to do with those losers anymore.

 

30 years ago, people were proud of their work and of their status as laborers. Then computers happened and then banks did happen and then the yuppies happened and then suddenly everything was turned on its head. Suddenly it became sexy to be a suit wearing stiff, suddenly it became sexy working for a useless bank, suddenly it became sexy sitting at a computer and hacking into a keyboard like a fukn secretary … suddenly beer wasn’t good enough anymore.

 

Quite the contrary, the worse your economy gets, the more expensive your drinks must be! Lost your very well paying job as a welder or iron bender or screwdriver, after 25 years of loyal service to your company – of which you don’t even know anymore who owns it, a sheik, a Russian or a Chinese biznizman – they fired your ass let you go and join the masses of poor bastards in the unemployed queue? Care for a beer? No fuck noooo! Beer stands for an undesirable lifestyle, so you order the most expensive champagne, just to keep up appearances, just so nobody can see how broke your ass truly is.

 

So German breweries go belly up for one reason and one reason only: Fukn Jerries are a bunch of pretentious schmucks!