Orca at the Movies: Shingeki No Kyojin

OrcaAtTheMoviesYay! Today I finally found the live action adaptation of Attack on Titan in a certain bay, that represents for a huge chunk of the law abiding population what is usually known as the darknet or deepnet. You might know what I’m talking about. If not it’s ok, you really don’t need to know. =^.^= Anyway, I got the film so we can go on with the art criticism:


After having watched the Attack on Titan anime series twice now – and finding it much better at the second viewing – I must say, sorry, but the live action movie was pure and utter crap. 😮 Ya, there’s not much more to say about it, so I can keeep today’s scorcher brief and to the point. Why? Because the moovie itself didn’t. It was soooo out of timing, so badly directed, I really couldn’t tell what I was viewing there. The very few action scenes were super short and hectic while the lengthy scenes were nothing happened but some stupid (and I mean stupid on a cognitive, conceptual level) were drawn out until the whole audience – me alone – fell asleep.

Add to that the tragic Asian tendency for overdramatization, almost logically followed by overacting and many much dramatizing. Either that or the film’s subtitles were all wrong … was almost like so:

Hero 1: »Mornin’.«

Hero 2: »Good morning to you too.«

Hero 1, crying now: »You take that back! I kill you!!!«

Followed by a lot of pushing and shoving and fists flyin’ and girls cryin’ and the whole hullabaloo of the usual pub brawl. Also all those scenes did always play in darkness. I call that the Godzilla phenomenon a.k.a. the CGI night.

I kinda liked the overall atmosphere of the film though, as it was much darker and more gory than everything we’ve seen in the anime. It’s indeed nothing for week nerves or the whimpy among us. If you can’t stomach bucketloads of blood and human guts spilled all over your screen, if you find it hard to watch a guy getting swallowed and being followed by the camera all the way down into a titan’s stomach better don’t watch AoT at all.

Oh, but that’s what I’m trying to tell you all the time already: DON’T WATCH ATTACK ON TITAN!!!

The taglines for the poster reads: The world is cruel. Yes, that too. But the movie was more cruel.

Yeah, total disaster. What a cryin’ shame. I mean what do I do with an obviously very limited budget? Of course I’d put more emphasis on a clever screenplay and good character development and halfway decent actors. Right? Hm, the makers of AoT obviously thought differently. Why use good actors if you can replace them with the whole class of some Tokyo fashion modelling school? Why waste precious time with dialogues that make sense if you can have bragging, loudmouthing and verbal strong-manning instead?

Why put any effort into this piece of merchandising at all? The teens will flock to the theaters and watch their idols making fools of themselves on the big screen anyway. And the producers will laugh all the way to the bank. World order restored.

So, final verdict: A stupid plonker of a stupid teenage film. While I first complained about too much navel gazing in the anime show and didn’t find it so bad when watching it a second time, the live action spectacle didn’t even waste any energy on these dearly needed moments. Right, why should we as audience develop any feelings for any of the protagonists or at least understand their personal motivations and backstories? Why should the director put any emphasis on timing and pacing when he can just string some scenes together as well? Why should we understand anything at all? Why do the human forces need any tactic or strategy? We can just put all our heroes in a room and let them fight it out. In fact the anime did sooo much better in many regards. For example it made some fukn sense.

Okay, this flick ended pretty abruptly, which is forgivable would it be clear that AoT is at least a two-parter. Maybe it’s even gonna be a trilogy, who knows? Not us. Since it only became clear once TOHO studios announced the second part to hit the theaters in 2015 as well. But to be perfectly honest, I’m still in shock from the first part, so I don’t even know if I wanna witness any more of that trainwreck.


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