»Woah! Orca you stoopit cow, how dare you making such a bold claim, such a discriminating statement. How do you presume you’re in any position to ruin the livelihood of thousands of eager workers in Shanghai by condemning and denunciating a perfectly fine IT product? That’s bullshit, bitch!!!«
Of course the headline is bullshit. As if I wouldn’t know that. I guess it’s not even possible to single out a certain computer and name it the worestest one ever. The decision if something is good or bad is a personal one most of the times. Even in a highly technical environment like computers. Of course there are measurable differences in speed, graphical output, storage capacity, build quality, weight, size and many other qualifications, yes. But there is also the even more important personal taste and need and want factor a certain computer has to meet. What good is the most powerful beast of a super server for me, when all I want is a small netbook or a tablet, or even a smartphone, for mobile use? And to say it in another way: The best computer is the one you got! Of course. The highest specced machine is just a bunch of crap as long as it’s in a catalogue and not in your house. Because why? Because it’s useless as long as you can’t work on it!
So understand that the mostest worstest, the absolute wurst computer ever is also a personal choice. In the case of this article it’s my personal choice. My story. My wurst computer.
And it wasn’t even the worst computer for quite some time, it turned into the worst computer slowly but surely. In fact, when we first got this specific computer it was Da Bomb, the coolest piece of IT equipment we ever owned, and we got quite a bunch of nice machines already stacked up in our apartment.
Ok, to make it short the worstest computer ever was this:
A 1999 Apple iMac Special Edition, as easy to see from its grey clear housing. Main difference between this and the lower iMacs (blue, orange, green, purple) was a slightly faster PowerPC processor 400 Mhz, double RAM (128 MB LOL), biggerer than normal 13 GB hard drive and some sort of early graphics card. Oh, and a DVD drive. Drive, not burner. At least we could watch the fairly new fangled DVDs and weren’t depending on VHS tapes anymore. Whoohoo!
Hey, stop laughing; back in ’99 these were quite impressive specs. At least for an consumer grade Apple they were. Since we bought this ’99 machine in 2000 it was already on special offer with a lower price but still kinda WOAH! if you know or recall the hardware prices from back then. Needless to say our iEgg was wayyyyy fukn overpriced.
Anyhoo, coming from Windows 95 we found the MacOS 8.6 GUI pretty primitive and fugly but got used to it pretty fast. And indeed there was something about the Mac experience you couldn’t deny: Everything worked easy and flawlessly, all the applications looked and acted like they came from the same mould. Which is no wonder since they were made by the same team folowing the same desktop design philosophy. After a couple of weeks hubby already edited litle masterpieces of selfmade videos on it. And for my work on The Novel the iMac had a very nice keyboard. Actually the second best after the IBM Model M. So we could say that little egg-shaped thing was perfect. Particularly after we upgraded our machine to MacOS 9.1. So beautiful, soooo fucking modern!
Then the planned move to South Africa didn’t happen as fast as we wanted and the iMac, together with all our furniture and non-mobile tech disappeared in storage for about a year. Weirdly, ever since we got it back out of the container after the move, the eggMac wasn’t at the height of its game anymore. It overheated, blew graphic chips, RAM chips and whatnot stuff we as typical Apple users were too stupid to understand and went into service in ever shorter intervalls. Until one day the frustrated Apple techy dropped it at our house, saying this was the last time he worked on it. Hmmm. I guess that is something, eh? If not even the official Apple repair center won’t touch your iCrap anymore? Not even for money? 😮 Yes, definately not a good sign.
Okay, as always our MacCrap worked for like 2 or 3 weeks any then gave up again. And this time it was serious, the little egg was smoking puff balls … the screen decreased to a fine white line and then went poof dark 😦 … and then the power unit said baibai with a distinct, unmistakable and explicit Sproinnnng! 😦 In fact the picture tube and the PSU had given up simultaneously. 😮 Not even two minutes later EggMac landed in the bin. After it had served us for only like maybe 2.5 years – at least one of those spent in storage and in repair center – and now it crowned, climaxed and ended its sad existence in the garbage bin in our backyard, carrying the official title of The Worst Computer Ever!
So, what’s your Wurst Kompjutah Ever story? Let’s hear it, so Orca ain’t the only one with a bad experience.